Adam Anders - Getting Married Today lyrics

Mercedes: Bless this day Pinnacle of life Husband joined to wife The heart leaps up to behold This golden day Will: Emma, I can't find my shoes Today is for Emma Emma, I give you the rest of my life To cherish and to keep you To honor you forever Today is for Emma My happily soon-to-be wife Emma, we're really getting married! Emma: Pardon me Is everybody there? Because if everybody's there I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding I'd appreciate your going even more I mean you must have lots of better things to do And not a word of this to Will Remember Will, you know, the man I'm gonna marry But I'm not Because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is But I thank you all For the gifts and the flowers Thank you all Now it's back to the showers Don't tell Will But I'm not getting married today Mercedes: Bless this day Tragedy of life Husband yoked to wife The heart sinks down and feels dead This dreadful day Will: Emma, I can't find my good cuff-links Emma: They're on the dresser Right next to my suicide note Listen, everybody, look I don't know what you're waiting for A wedding, what's a wedding It's a prehistoric ritual Where everybody promises fidelity forever Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of Which is followed by a honeymoon Where suddenly he'll realize He's settled with a nut And wanna k** me, which he should So, thanks a bunch But I'm not getting married Go have lunch 'Cause I'm not getting married You've been grand But I'm not getting married Don't just stand there I'm not getting married And don't tell Will But I'm not getting married today Go, can't you go? Why is nobody listening? Goodbye Go and cry At another person's wake If you're quick For a kick You could pick Up a Christening But please On my knees There's a human life at stake! Listen everybody I'm afraid you didn't hear Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you It isn't only Will, who may be ruining his life You know we'll both of us be losing our identities I telephoned my an*lyst about it and he said to see him Monday But by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage I'm not well So I'm not getting married You've been swell But I'm not getting married Clear the hall 'Cause I'm not getting married Thank you all But I'm not getting married And don't tell Will But I'm not getting married today Mercedes: Bless this bride Totally insane Slipping down the drain And bless this day in our hearts As it starts to rain Will: Today is for Emma Emma (Will): Go, can't you go? Look, you know (Emma) I adore you all (I give you) But why (The rest of) Watch me die (My life) Like Eliza on the ice? (To cherish) Look, perhaps (And to keep you) I'll collapse In the apse Right before you all So take (To honor you) Back the cake (Forever) Burn the shoes and boil the rice (Today is for Emma) Look, I didn't wanna have to tell you (My happily) But I may be coming down with Hepatitis (Soon-to-be) And I think I'm gonna faint (Wife) So if you wanna see me faint I'll do it happily (My adorable) But wouldn't it be funnier to go and watch a funeral (Wife) So thank you for the twenty-seven dinner plates Thirty-seven bu*ter knives Forty-seven paperweights Fifty-seven candle holders Will: One more thing Emma: I am not getting married! Mercedes with wedding guests: Amen! Will: Softly said Emma: But I'm not getting married! Mercedes with wedding guests: Amen! Will: With this ring Emma: Still I'm not getting married! Mercedes with wedding guests: Amen! Will: I thee wed Emma: See, I'm not getting married! Mercedes with wedding guests: Amen! Emma and Will: Let us pray Will (Emma): That we are getting married (That I'm not getting married) Emma and Will with Wedding Guests: Today!