Absolutely Fabulous - Magazine lyrics

# Wheels on fire # Rolling down the road # Best notify my next of kin # This wheel shall explode Morning. Hello d**h hello oblivion. - What time is it, darling? - Ten. - Oh God, I'd better be off. - It's Sunday. - It's true, then? - Happy Oh God. - Happy brthday! - Oh darling. Oh God, how old am I? No, don't tell me, darling. - I'm I'm - You're forty. Oh God, but I don't feel forty. - Well, you don't look - Oh thank you. Come on, now. It's not the end of the world. It's just a day. Like any other day It's like I hit an oil patch at thirty-five and now I'm just skidding towards the grave. Do I look any different, darling? Look at my face. Who do you see there? - You can lie. I just want a response here. - Get Patsy to do that. She's much better at it You look like a forty-year old woman who has just woken up. I haven't even been asleep I couldn't sleep. I could feel the fortiness coming upon me in the night, darling. Have a look out of the window. Are the buzzards circling? Do you want my present and those cards now or later? - They might cheer you up. - Oh what? - Oh never mind. - You have to speak up, darling. Messages take longer to reach old brains. I've got old ears now. Listen to me. Old ears or not, try and concentrate. It's your birthday and you can make this hell for yourself and everybody else, sulk and feel sorry for yourself, or get up, cheer up and enjoy the day I've made up my mind, sweetie. If my mother hadn't uncrossed her legs I could be two weeks younger. - It feels like the end of my life! - It isn't the end of your life. It may only be halfway through your life, not a prospect I find all that thrilling. - Find something to look forward to. - You'd know a lot about it. How often have you ever been forty? Never, darling, never! This is something that is happening to me. I have to deal with it. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but it's me, me, me. It's my bloody 40th bloody birthday. Oh God, I need some space. Jesus I hope you're not organising a party or anything, are you? Any sort of special treat or anything for me? - A little treat or something gorgeous. - Not if you don't want it. - Oh what? What, then? - It was going to be a surprise. No, no, darling, I will not have a surprise. I will not have a surprise party. If it's going to be a surprise, I want to know about it, so I can decide if I want to come and what I'm going to wear. You can't expect me to go to any old bloody party, darling. Well, I don't want a party. I don't want a party. I don't want a special big huge party with all my friends, darling. Some celebrities and little Japanese fingerfood, and a great band and tequila slammers all round at midnight. - Oh well, I'll cancel that then. - No, I would like that, sweetie. I would. Well, what then? What have you organised? What? Look, I didn't know what you'd want, so I've invited a few people round for family lunch. What are you calling family, darling? We're hardly the bloody Waltons, are we? - Not just you and my mother, I hope. is it? - Will you stop behaving like this, please. Darling, this is how i behave. I'm allowed to behave however i want on my birthday. House rule, remember? Especially to someone who didn't even think I might like a champagne breakfast. Not even a bloody cup of tea on my birthday, that would be asking too much. Here. Don't bother opening it. Throw it straight in the bin, where you'll put it anyway. Oh alright. I want a list of who you've invited and I'm not saying I'll be there. Lacroix! Christian Lacroix! Oh oh, oh Oh sweetie, sweetie Ooooh, sweetie, darling Darling, they're gorgeous. Where did you get them? - Was it Harvey Nichols? - Yes. - I can get a discount there, sweetie. - I'm glad you like them. Hardly the ill-judged tat you normally give me. I mean Lacroix, darling They are Lacroix, aren't they? They're not just something you put in the box? - Do you like them or not? - I like them if they're Lacroix. - Well, they are. - Oh good. I like them.