I wanna carve out your eyes with a red hot bu*ter knife Skin you alive within an inch of your life I wanna rip out your teeth And have the blood roll down my shirt But you always say-- I don't wanna, it'll hurt I'm not a muppet like Ernie or Bert! I wanna kiss your eardrum with a cut piano wire Bathe you in champagne and set you on fire I wanna soak your eyes in bleach I'm asking nice, I'm never curt But you always say-- I don't wanna, it'll hurt You don't want to die, you say But d**h is not my intention So let me torture your private parts With my multi-knifed invention So let's sew your tongue to the tip of your nose Get a nice hydraulic press to flatten all your toes I wanna paint you bright colors and elongate your head with a vice And force your eyes open so nice with eye drops So you look like Ernie and Bert But you always say-- I don't wanna, it'll hurt You can do it to me too, if you want to