3 - Rain lyrics

What's a house if it's not a home? What's a family if you're all alone? Shattered f**ing heart call it broken bone Spend my days stuck at home getting stoned Never answered when you called my phone You called my a** on Christmas Happiness the only damn thing on my wish list But f** it I'm just a misfit Said you cared and it sounded like you meant it But I had built a wall up inside so i decided to dismiss it Because I ain't ever had a father Don't tell me that you love me when you left your wife, son, and daughter Called your f**ing phone but you couldn't be bothered I raised my f**ing self cuz you were never there teach me 6 years later you tryna reach me Calling my phone but I'd never answer Mom called my phone and said you just died of cancer That's when it hit me Locked myself in my room slit my skin and felt sh**ty What if you really did f**ing miss me All these questions that can never be answered all this pain could have been prevented if I had the guts to f**ing answer If I did pick up the phone what would you say? What could I say? I'd prolly be too damn scared to even say "Hey." I think about joining you every single day I'm tired of all this pain I just want to grab the blade Slit my wrists again til my soul slips away Dad I never knew you yet you expected me to love you? I guess I just didn't trust you But it all stays the same Same pain as yesterday Isolated castaway I say it stays the same But I ain't been the same since you pa**ed away Heart turned to stone just a ba*tard speaking blasphemy I'm an outcast even the f**ing devil fleeing me If you ever need to find me look inside and there I'll be Look at the real this world is cold People seeking money and some fame Spreading hate n***as acting bold And this writing sh** it's getting old Tryna heal myself with these words but these words be what hurts the most Seems like the more I climb these hills get steeper Still tryna find myself I'm just tryna dig deeper What's the f**ing point I just wanna pop these pills become a sleeper We all hurt each other It's just a trait of the human race Running from this pain just to find that I'm lost in place Love seems to come to hate It's getting hard concentrate Should I die? Should I live? these the things I contemplate Darkest times and some darker days Voices in my head convincing me I have no fate Stare into the mirror and my self esteem breaks Insecurities securing me smothering me Thoughts just stuck to me b**hes f**ing me But few made love to me And a few in love with me They f**ing crazy just for trusting me Act like I don't like ion know em Cuz I can't get attached cuz I know that I'll hurt em Never say I love them cuz I know I'll just desert em I really don't deserve em But sh** I can't complain I still feel the same Everyone hating on me now even Aunt Betty This sh** called life ion think I'm ready Can't steer myself steady All I think about now is blowing my head open just to spread the confetti 9 to my dome spewing brain spaghetti Speaking of my brain I've said enough to know I'm still insane I let a little out but it's time to close the door to my brain And express my pain on the next day it rains Next day it rains