If There Ever Were A Species For Whom Sex Hurt - If There Ever Were A Species For Whom Sex Hurt lyrics

If there ever were a species for whom s** hurt It surely went extinct long ago Now, the tomcat's penis, well, it's barbed like a cactus But the screams are just for show And when a bed bug is matin', well, he stabs her while he's batin' And inseminates the open wound Now I've never had s** with an actual person But I sure hope I find one soon I don't know much about evolution And I don't know much about girls Just my dog, my god, my gun and a bottle o' Bud I also don't know much about anatomy And I haven't seen much of the world But I kinda figure s** feels like wra**lin' with a pig in the mud At least I hope so But if there ever were a species for whom s** hurt It surely went extinct long ago When praying mantises are bedded, well, the male gets beheaded But I-I'm sure he likes it, though And when a squirrel in his hut finds a girl and busts a nut Well, he kinda sorta glues her shut (What?) Look it up! I've never left the Carolinas, never seen a real vagina I, I a**ume it's just like a tiny little bu*t, right? But if there ever were a species for whom s** hurt It surely went extinct long ago I don't go to the dentist, and I don't know what consent is But there's always room to grow And if there's a situation where the act of copulation Would be anything but rip-roarin' fun Maybe somethin' could persuade me if'n I could just get laid Before I turn seventy-one Next year! Before I turn seventy-one I'm old! And I do not understand s** Nope