Hunter Bell - September Song lyrics

ALL Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh Festival medley, festival medley JEFF and SUSAN Lots of things are happening At the festival in September Lots of people are coming To watch us do our stuff HEIDI and HUNTER Our pants are what we're crapping At the festival in September We're nervous as holy hell ALL And did we do enough To get someone With money SUSAN To like us? JEFF Trust us? HUNTER Back us? HEIDI Love us? SUSAN (spoken) Happy opening, y'all. Hey, naked HUNTER Stop. I'm waiting until the last minute to put on my shirt because I get sweaty under my left pit when I'm nervous SUSAN That is specific HEIDI You should go onstage like that HUNTER I would never go onstage without my shirt. We should have Jeffy take his shirt off JEFF I'm not taking my shirt off HUNTER Yeah, take your shirt off and we'll start the scene over Heidi, you take your top off too HEIDI Hunter, I'm not going to take off my top HUNTER Both of you, take off your f**ing shirts so we can sell some tickets to the show! SUSAN Yeah! HUNTER That's hot SUSAN Now y'all, kiss. Serious y'all, kiss JEFF Okay, that's ridiculous. I'm not gonna kiss her SUSAN I'll kiss her HUNTER Oh my god, this show has everything! Half naked guys and girl on girl action! SUSAN and HEIDI (sung) Festival medley JEFF and HUNTER Vegetable medley HUNTER and JEFF TV actors in out show What could be sweeter We could get that woman who was one "Empty Nest"... HEIDI (spoken) Hey Swa**on...are you okay? SUSAN No, Heidi, I'm bummed we only have four more of these I like doing the show. It balances out my day job which is k**ing me softly I wrote this song sitting at my desk today...I'd like to sing it...for you now... (sung) Can't you see that I'm dying inside? Can't you see that I'm dying inside? If you shined a flashlight in my bu*t you'd see I'm dying inside HUNTER and JEFF (simultaneously) Are we writing for Are we writing for Are we writing for Are we writing for SUSAN and HEIDI Inside! HUNTER and HEIDI Festival medley SUSAN and JEFF Festival medley HUNTER and HEIDI Festival medley SUSAN and JEFF Festival medley... HUNTER (spoken) Has your mom come to every show? JEFF Every one HUNTER My mom is here tonight JEFF Oh my god, that's right HUNTER I'm nervous. All that stuff about p**n and f** this and f** that, and masturbating... JEFF Oh please, like your mom has never masturbated HUNTER Oh my god HUNTER and HEIDI (sung) Festival medley SUSAN and JEFF Festival medley HUNTER and HEIDI Festival medley ALL Thirty-one JEFF and HEIDI Musicals in a scuffle At the festival in September All competing for ticket sales And coverage in the press SUSAN and HUNTER (simultaneously) Ahh SUSAN and HUNTER We don't wanna get Lost in the shuffle At the festival in September But we're gonna get lost in the shuffle JEFF and HEIDI (simultaeously) Ahh ALL That is unless HEIDI and JEFF There is someone HUNTER and SUSAN Someone ALL With notoriety SUSAN To like us JEFF Trust us HUNTER Need us ALL Love us! HUNTER (spoken) Hello? JEFF Hey, we got a bad review HUNTER I thought we agreed not to read reviews. What did it say? JEFF Well, it was like "the script is a sign of bad things to come" and "the songs were forgettable"... HUNTER You can't believe reviews. Wait, I'm getting another call JEFF Don't go away, I'm needy! HUNTER Hello? HEIDI Hunter, did you see it? HUNTER See what? HEIDI Hunter, page 2, Friday Times, Weekend section. They loved us! HUNTER What? Oh my god! Hey, Jeff's on the other line. Hang on HEIDI Okay HUNTER Jeff, we got a good review in The New York Times JEFF What? HUNTER Yeah! Page two, weekend section! This is so awesome! JEFF Wait a second, I thought you said not to read or believe that stuff HUNTER That was some bullsh** I pulled out of my a** to make us feel better Hey, let's conference in the girls. Heidi? HEIDI Hunter? JEFF Heidi? HEIDI Jeffery? HUNTER Susan? SUSAN Hunter? JEFF Susan? SUSAN Jeffy? HEIDI Susan? SUSAN Heidi? ALL Yay! Party line! HUNTER Hey, Susan, we got a good review in The New York Times! SUSAN Awesome! The Gray Lady, baby HUNTER Jeff, what was that bad review in anyway? JEFF Broadway.com HUNTET Broadway.com? Broadway.com can kneel down, open its online mouth and s** my SUSAN, JEFF, and HEIDI (sung) Festival Medley HUNTER (spoken) ...it can s** my f**ing co*k! ALL (sung) Festival medley Lots of things are Happening at the festival Everywhere you turn There's a fuss! There's mayhem abounding At the festival in September Lots of things are happening They're happening... There's no stopping the momentum Of the festival in September Who knows what Will all come from The festival in September Aaaah It's the final show Aaaah At the festival Aaaah Said it's the final show Aaaah At the festival ALL (spoken) That was amazing! Woo-hoo! Etc... HUNTER You guys, we had fancy producer and industry people here tonight HEIDI Oh my gosh, well get out there and go schmooze with them! JEFF Wish us luck! HEIDI and SUSAN Ahh! Sluck, sluck, sluck! Good luck! Good luck!