Hot Soda Apparatus - Letter from College lyrics

Dear mom, College is fun. I don't know many people around, but that will change once I start partying with all of those drunken frat guys. So far, two people on campus recognise me, and they both call me scrotum. I think they like me. they're both taking 20 hours this semester, and I'm only in 12, so I have a lot of time to spend by myself. Not to worry, though, because there's a high speed network connection right in my room. I could be using this internet access to do countless hours of research, but I find that a waste of my energy. instead, I spend most of the afternoon after consumer math to download illegal p**n from indonesian web sites. My favorite of all the genres of p**n is those pregnant chicks gettin it on with ponies. When I come back for summer vacation, can we get a pony or two? I know it's been awhile since I wrote you last, but it's hard to find the time while I keep finding whole new batches of animal galleries to peruse. It'd be nice if I had a TV in here, but I know we're pressed for cash, seeing as how the university is charging me extra as a special case. Just consider it a luxury that you get to click on CNN whenever you feel like it to get a firm grip on the harsh realities of current events, while I'm over here in complete seclusion resorting to beastial p**n for the slightest pang of pleasure to be aroused from my hollow soul. Have a good week. Love, your son. P.S. How is dad and my little sis? Has the dog been eating right? Can you get dad to order high-speed internet access before I come home for the summer?