Hot Soda Apparatus - Quicksand lyrics

Quicksand has always fascinated me. It doesn't exist in the real world. The simple truth is, it only exists in fiction. Quicksand was dreamed up by the monks who contributed to the recording of the Tale of King Arthur onto paper. These monks always dreamed of new ideas because they had too much time on their hands and foolishly took vows of celibacy and silence. So, as they conversed using raven quills and old parchment, they concocted this crazy idea that somewhere out there, there were patches of sand that s**ed people under the surface when someone attempted to travel through it. Unfortunately, because these monks had no formal training in the ways of science, they were unaware that this entity known as quicksand cannot exist unless it were a flesh-eating organism. Otherwise, without digestive capabilities, where would everything that was s**ed beneath the surface go? The monks would argue that everything s**ed beneath the surface would just go to the bottom of the pit. But do they have any proof of that? Who, among us, has travelled to the bottom of a pit of quicksand? The prosecution rests.