Hot Karl - Space Invaders lyrics

[Spoken] This is a true story About my experiences with aliens [Verse 1] I was all alone in my room In my computer playing DOOM Quiet, silence Until the sound of a typhoon Jumped up right away Kicked over the trash Ran right up to the window When I heard another crash Had to rub on eyes Couldn't believe what I was seeing UFO crashed into my garage With a bloody human being Strapped to the front of this unidentified flying Ran downstairs to attend to this man that was dying When I approached, I realized that I was right A completely bald man, devastated without a fight He had his ear eaten off And his knees were removed Had all of his teeth in his hands And he was completely nude I saw his entire insides The man looked crucified Could have sworn he was dead But then he opened his eyes And with that last breath Still fighting off d**h Began to open his mouth With one piece of advice left And his space-defying fear Because of what he'd been through And with the last gasp of air He said, “Look behind you!” [Chorus] Asteroids, Mars, stars, and moon craters! Jupiter, comets, aliens, space invaders! They're coming! Quickly! All humans, run for safety! They hate me! Even one motherf**er tried to rape me! Asteroids, Mars, stars, and moon craters! Jupiter, comets, aliens, space invaders! They're coming! Quickly! All humans, run for safety! They hate me! Even one motherf**er tried to rape me! [Verse 2] I'm gasping for air Ziplocked to a table My arms tied to the floor Completely covered in cables Can feel my heart pounding fast How long will it last? I began to fall asleep Hoping that time would pa** That's when I realized They've Krazy Glued my eyes! And meticulously peeled off all the skin from my things (Oh, no!) I look like some kid's science experiment It started to hurt worse That's when I began to hear it Slow tip-toeing Creature's shadow growing on the wall A Martian almost ten feet tall! I attempted to be quiet So I wouldn't make a sound But I began to cry “Where is David Duchovny now?!” I'm in pain This alien is insane He poured water on my body But only felt the same Wait, that's not water It looks like human blood! He pulled out some needle [unverified] And continually shoved in my an*s I feel the sting of an*l probes My a** is penetrated I just want to go home! [Chorus] [Verse 3] Now, it's completely silent No sign of the giant Saw an open escape door So I decided to try it (Why not?) Had a hard time getting up Felt every ventricle erupt Lunge at the open door Squealing pain with every grunt Then a thump! A foot blocks my path to be free It's the alien! A cross between Godzilla and MAC and Me Picked me up by hair Suspended in air I'm squirming in every direction Because his power is unfair Threw me across the room My back slams against the wall Places his hands under my stomach And clenching on my balls I need to advance That's when I saw my chance Remembered E.T.'s glowing finger And I pulled down my pants I'm standing there with my dick out Trying to control his mind That's when I hit him with my co*k Slapped him from behind But then he got right back up And now, he's starting to s** On my erect human schlong And I'm about to nut He violated my body I completely feel ashamed But when I finally blew my load It shot right through his brain Now the alien's motionless Oozing on the floor I can't stand it anymore I jumped out the door My God! By an alien, I was s**ually abused And like that I'm naked in a phone booth I called up 3H collect Told him I was beaten by a mob And never told a soul About my alien-k**ing bl**job [Chorus] [Spoken] That is a true story And it really did happen Word