Hezza-T - Grief lyrics

Grief These feeling are strange , Feeling betrayed My life as been Frey and display many different ways Thoughts stray to days, I get lost in like a maze But I'm amazed at how Im no longer affraid I'm not okay, no words to say Trying to portray My strength so I can stay I even May try and start to pray I used to go to Christian camps for a bit But if I prayed to God he would know It wasn't legit Just a mechanism to try and cope with it Why am I worried about him, he doesn't exist People ask me if I'm alright And offer to stay with me tonight Or if theres anything that id like But nothing they can do can make this right I appreciate the sentiment But forgive me if I'm hesitant Trying to figure out what's relevant And what's for your own embellishment Tell me to release emotion But I'm not doing it as a token Let you all see that I am choking So you see my heart gaping open Because I'm a man so I cannot cry Even though everyone says it's alright I won't even allow myself to do it at night When I'm alone and hold my covers tight I'm suffocated And this frustration is turning into hatred Conversations leave me berated As this life has left me ill fated I've started thinking lately life's not worth living Tell me have you ever have these feelings Because I'm really contemplating leaving I just feel that I need freeing I'm caged like my pent up rage Because the monster inside get stronger everyday I'm not sure that I can keep him at bay And I'm affraid of the rage being sprayed the wrong way At people who care about me the most At the people who I care about the most But Even though these feeling don't show They all still seem to jump down my throat They've caged me Because they're the reason I haven't left already But I really think I'm almost ready Because the weight in my heart is too heavy Thoughts keep me in box, put in my own schema Sick of this world even with no fever Willing to leave even though I'm not a believer Hit me head on like a blunt force trauma I feel like I dieing from internal bleeding You'll understand my pain if you get the double meaning Just want to be alone, even in the evening To let the pain wash over me and in seep in And maybe some will wash out The quite kid, all I want to do is shout Was kind now I want to knock people out Was sweet now leave a sour taste in your mouth Testosterone means I'm all alone Throw my phone at the wall and leave a hole So no one can ask anymore A question I've already been asked before The next person who ask if I'm alright Better be prepared for a fight With a psycho path wielding a knife Trying to end both their lives I know you have good intentions But I feel like I'm in detention And did I fail to mention The words causing this tension My mums dead The words on repeat in my head The words that will never sink No matter how may times they're said Can barely say the words out loud Who's supposed to look after me now I just hope I don't start spiralling down Become so weak I can't get up from the ground But after all is said and done I've lost my mum My only one