Heywood Banks - Dearest Mr. Santa Claus lyrics

Oh my dearest Mr. Santa Claus I am writing you because There seems to be a problem with your staff You may or may not be aware Or even worse you do not care -- At any rate, there is no cause to laugh I gave it to my mother A specific list of toys to bring around But when I woke up Christmas morn It was an obvious clerical error that I found If you look on page number twenty-two Under the heading of "Rocket Packs" There's no way a personal jet-propulsion device Could ever be confused with -- A BUNNY PUPPET??!! Hello again, dear old Saint Nick I really hate to be a stickler But it's clear from here that things must change With software advances and the Internet You really can't delay in getting Some elves that are more technically trained I discussed this with my mother Along with a list of toys to bring around But when I woke up Christmas morn It was a hideous clerical error that I found If you look on page number twenty-nine Under the heading of "Scuba Gear" There's no way a personal deep-water submarine Could ever be confused with -- UNCLE WIGGLY??!! Hi again, Saint Nicholas I'm sorry that it's come to this But someone had to bring you up to speed Perhaps your management sk**s are rusty But you really have to trust me You are just not meeting your customers' needs I was told by my mother To let you know about this oversight But I've been playing Uncle Wiggly with my bunny puppet And I just haven't had the time to write