Hello, my friend Nice to see you again Cheers, let's drink Let's have a good time Have you heard that band That no one else knows of yet? They're coming to the town for a gig And what do you expect? Well, they were better back then When they were indie and sh** Before they went all mainstream Before their greatest f**ing hit But why should I bother? You don't even know music, man You don't even smoke You haven't started a band Have you tried marijuana? Do you eat organic food? Do you have ironic t-shirts? 'Cause you know you should My cable operator says I'm getting MTV Rocks I've read some Pitchfork articles But all of them just s** Can you stop pretending That you even know my name? All my friends and guys like us Are f**ing all the same Nut why should I bother? You don't have the guts to admit it You're not as cool as we are And I'm not kidding Why should I bother? You cheap-a** motherf**er You're so bloody mainstream You sorry-a** s**er Oh, but, seriously, what the f**, man? I just tried to be friendly Yes, I might listen to Radiohead And maybe they're mainstream now But I don't give a sh** somehow Because they still have something to say And then there's you, and your bands, That have nothing to say at all. They might look good, They might be unsigned, They may have hipster beards, But that doesn't give 'em street cred Or at least they don't deserve my respect If that means anything to you. You might be better than my CD collection You might be better than my red converse shoes You might be more stylish than my girlfriend You might have more friends on facebook than me You might get better bl**jobs than me That all can be true and I won't deny it But does that make you superior? Does that make me inferior? Does that make my ways less worthy than your ways? And all your friends They talk, they walk In that posh way that I'll never have Never follow Nor be even able to understand They're all very successful from what I've heard Give them my regards At your parties you all commute You all salute You all f**ing know better You all diss Arcade Fire, LCD Soundsystem Or even The f**ing Enemy 'Cause they all sold their a**es Well done you had the chance to like them before You've all read it on screenagers You've all seen it on vimeo You've all written about it on tumblr In Helvetica on an artistic background With trees and sunset Way to go, guys, seriously That impresses me, And I'm easily impressed with joy division vinyls And colorful t-shirts Congrats you've done it and now you're living it I wish I could be just like you Live just like you f** just like you With all your dicks, Long, red and hard all the f**ing time, 24/7 Just because you get all wet and excited in your own company And your sweaty big balls hang low All dignified and sh** Packed with unknown bands you have on your last.fm profile On your Spotify In your iTunes libra-- oh, sorry In your Foobar library, iTunes is so 2009 You listen to your music with your Skullcandy headphones Dressed in Pull&Bear top Burberry pants In Nike Dunk shoes But, ironically enough, With a scarf that you bought on sale in f**ing H&M And how does that make you feel? Feels good, right? Feels divine It's all yours It's all mine