Hey Girl Slow Down - I Wrote The Bible lyrics

I think you have the wrong impression Somewhere in me, there’s a light When I chew diamonds, I sh** rainbows I wrote the bestseller of all time You’re not “supposed to” anything And you don’t get closer just by virtue of Being opposed to everything Baby, I’ll see you in Vegas Did you know I’m not your mommy? And I’m not your punching bag I wrote the Bible and you rolled your eyeballs at it I don’t need disciples, but I will be coming back And I’ll be real pissed I happen to like me Why do I go around saying That I’m this big f**ing a**hole? I mean, then what do I call you When you a**ure me it’s just a phase? I should’ve never made you my plus-one To Corey Feldman’s birthday party I’ve made the wrong people famous I am not your sugar daddy I don’t pay you so you can f** me I’m on the couch and coming down And realizing how little we have in common now If I’m gonna be happy instead of just distracted I can never work in this town again Everyone wants to discuss my book They’ve clearly only read reviews Sycophants, think if they can afford a ticket I’d wanna to hear their thoughts about God And sure, it’s all open to interpretation, But I based Him on a Santa at the mall Everyone deserves a chance To cry on his lap and be disappointed And make their own joy And buy their own toys What do you think is going to happen when you run out of people to blame? I was thinking, what’s the point If you can always go and lie? If you can always change your answer? But we lead by example Fear is the mind-k**er Your father’s hanging jaw It’s gonna f** the girl you love It’s gonna leave you when you get cancer