Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? - Left 4 Dead lyrics

Anthony: Hey Ash, whatcha playin'? Ashly: Lef' fo' dead. (Ant flees from zombies while epic music plays, narrowly making it home.) (Ash is playing Connect Four and eating Oreos.) Ash: Sup. Ant: What the hell are you doing? Ash: Playing Connect Four. Ant: What? Who with? Ash: Myself. I always win. Ant: Are you out of your— Ash: And lose. Ant: Have any of them tried to get in? Ash: Who? Ant: The... Have you been paying any attention at all? Ash: What? Who? Just tell me who, don't be mean. Ant: The goddamn infected! How do you not know about this? Ash: I'm... (shrugs) Ant: Have any tried to get in? Ash: Don't think so. Ant: Good. We need to Ash: (Through a mouthful of Oreos) Not unless you count the two guys dad beat to d**h with a shovel. Ant: What?? Ash: I said the two guys that dad beat to d**h with a shovel. Ant: No, I understood what you said, but what, no, why, why did you actually, what does that mean? Ash: Some guys climbed over the fence and bothered him while he was reading so he k**ed them. Ant: And you didn't find that odd? Ash: (Shrugs) Ant: Where is he now? Ash: He's right there. Papa Burch: Sup. Ant: Am I the only person taking this seriously? Look, more are coming and we need to cooperate if we're gonna get through this, okay? Ash: Alright. Ant: Take this gun. If anyone tries to get in, you shoot them in the head or in the chest. I'll be right back, I'm gonna—(Ash shoots him) AAUUGGHH. FUUUUCK. You shot me in the f**ing leg! Ash: I'm sorry. Ant: Auuugghh, f**. I said we needed to cooperate. Ash: You handed me the gun, I shot it, how is that not cooperation? Ant: You f**ing b**h, god damn it. Ash: There's no need for that. Ant: Go get the first aid kit from the bathroom. Ash: Fine. Ant: Ohhhh, f** it hurts. And ge-ge-get, keep this door closed! Ash: What? Ant: Keep this door closed! Ash: I can't understand you when you yell, you have to... Ant: Keep... this... door... (Zombie slams against it) CLOOOOOO— Ash: (Stands around lamely) Ant: Lock the f**ing door, oh god! Ash: Oh, that's Ca**ie! She probably just wants, uh, The Royal Tenenbaums back. Ant: What? She's infected! Lock the door! Ash: Don't call dirty names. (Slides the door open a little; Ca**ie's hand reaches through.) Ant: Aaahhh!! Close the f**ing door! Close it! Ash: What's your problem? Ant: She's gonna eat you! Ash: Eat? (Ash considers this; Anthony reaches for the gun) (Ash slowly bites into Ca**ie's arm) (Credits) (PB rinses off his shovel with a garden hose while smoking a cigar.)