Havelock Ellis - Acquired Homos**uality. From Psychopathia Sexualis (1894) lyrics

Those who hold to the opinion that the origin of h*mos**ual feelings and instinct is found to be exclusively in defective education and other psychological influences are entirely in error An untainted male may be raised never so much like a female, and a female like a male, but they will not become h*mo-s**ual. The natural disposition is the determining condition ; not education and other accidental circumstances, like seduction. There can be no thought of contrary s**ual instinct save when the person of the same 6cx exerts a psycho-s**ual influence on the individual, and thus brings about libido and orgasm, — i.e., has a psychical attraction . Those cases are quite different in which, faute de mienx, with great sensuality and a defective aesthetic sense, the body of a person of the same s** is used for an onanistic act (not for coitus in a psychical sense) In his excellent monograph, Moll shows very clearly and convincingly the importance of original predisposition in contrast with exciting causes (coinp. op. cit., pp. 15G- 175). He knows many cases where early s**ual intercourse with men was not capable of inducing perversion." ... This decidedly degenerate reaction is the beginning of a process of physical and mental transformation, a description of which is attempted in what follows, and which is one of the most interesting psychological phenomena that has been observed. This metamorphosis presents different stages, or degrees I. Degree : Simple Reversal of Sexual Feeling. — This degree is attained when persons of the same s** have an aphrodisiac effect, and the individual has a s**ual feeling for them. Character and feeling, however, still correspond with the s** of the individual presenting the reversal of s**ual feeling. He feels himself in the active role ; he recognizes his impulse toward his own s** as an aberration, and finally seeks aid. With episodical improvement of the neurosis, at first even normal s**ual feelings may re-appear and a**ert themselves. The following case seems well suited to exemplify this stage of the psycho-s**ual degeneration : — Case 94. Acquired Contrary Sexual Instinct. — " I am an official, and, as far as I know, come of an untainted family. My father died of an acute disease ; my mother is living and is quite nervous. A sister has been very intensely religious for some years. I myself am tall, and, in speech, gait, and manner, give a perfectly masculine impressiou. Measles is the only disease I have had ; but since My thirteenth year I have suffered with so-called nervous headache. My s**ual life began in my thirteenth year, when I became acquainted with a boy somewhat older than myself, with whom I took pleasure in mutual fondling of the genitals. I had the first ejaculation in my fourteenth year. Seduced to onanism by two older school-mates, I practiced it partly with others and partly alone ; in the latter case, however, always with the thought of persons of the female s**. ... After going to the University, I visited a brothel and succeeded Without especial effort. There an event occurred which brought a change in me. One evening I accompanied a friend home, and in a. mild state of intoxication I grasped him ad genitalia. Hu made but slight opposition. I then went up to his room with him, and we practiced mutual masturbation. From that time we indulged in it quite frequently... But it is strange that I was not at all in love with this person, but pa**ionately in love with another friend, near whom I never felt the slightest s**ual excitement, and whom I never connected with s**ual matters, even in thought. My visits to brothels, where I was gladly received, became more infrequent; in my friend I found a substitute, and did not desire s**ual intercourse with women We never practiced pederasty, and that word was not even known between us. From the beginning of this relation with my friend, I again Masturbated more frequently, and naturally the thought of females receded more and more into the background, and I thought more and more about young, handsome, strong men with the largest genitals. I preferred young fellows, from sixteen to twenty-five years old, without beards, but they had to be handsome and clean. Young laborers dressed in trousers of Manchester cloth or English leather, particularly masons, especially excited me Persons in my own position had hardly any effect on me ; but at the sight of one of those strapping fellows of the lower cla**, I experienced marked s**ual excitement. It seems to me that the touch of such trousers, the opening of them, and the grasping of the penis, as well as kissing the fellow, would be the greatest delight. My sensibility to female charms is somewhat dulled; yet in s**ual intercourse with a woman, particularly when she has well-developed mammae, I am always potent without the help of imagination. I have never attempted to make use of a young laborer, or the like, for the satisfaction of my evil desires, and never shall ; but I often feelthe longing to do it. I often impress on myself the mental image of sueh a man, and then masturbate at home "I am absolutely devoid of taste for female work. I rather like to move in female society, bnt dancing is repugnant to me. I have a lively interest in the fine arts. That my s**ual sense is partly reversed is, I believe, in part due to greater convenience, which keeps me from entering into a relation with a girl; as the latter is a matter of too much trouble. To be constantly visiting houses of prostitution is, for aesthetic reasons, repugnant to me; and thus I am always returning to solitary onanism, which is very difficult for me to avoid "Hundreds of times I have said to myself that, in order to have a normal s**ual sense, it would be necessary for me, first of all, to overcome my irresistible pa**ion for onanism, — a practice so repugnant to my aesthetic feeling. Again and again I have resolved with all my might to fight this pa**ion ; but I am still unsuccessful. When I felt the s**ual impulse gaining strength, instead of seeking satisfaction in the natural manner, I preferred to masturbate, because I felt that I would thus have more enjoyment "And yet experience has taught me that I am always potent with girls, and that, too, without trouble and without the help of imagining masculine genitals. In one case, however, I did not attain ejaculation because the woman — it was in a brothel — was devoid of every charm. I cannot avoid the thought and severe self-accusation that, to a certain extent, my contrary s**uality is the result of excessive onanism ; and this especially depresses me, because I am compelled to acknowledge that I scarcely feel strong enough to overcome this vice by the force of my own will "As a result of my relations with nry fellow-student and schoolmate for years, mentioned in this communication, — which, however, began while we were at the University, and after we had been friends for seven years, — the impulse to unnatural satisfaction of libido has grown much stronger. I trust you will permit the description of an incident which occupied me for months : — In the summer of 1882, I made the acquaintance of a companion six years younger than myself, who, with several others, had been introduced to me and my acquaintances. I very soon felt a deep interest in this handsome man, who was unusually well proportioned, slim, and full Of health. After a few weeks of a**ociation, this feeling became friend- ship, and at last pa**ionate love, with feelings of the most intense jealousy. I very soon noticed that, in this, s**ual excitation was also very marked ; and, notwithstanding my determination, aside from all others, to keep myself in check in relation to this man, whom I respected so highly for his superior character, one night, after free indulgence in beer, as we were enjoying a bottle of champagne in my room and drinking to good, true, and lasting friendship, Iyielded to the irresistible impulse to embrace him, etc When I saw him, next day, I was so ashamed that I could not look him in the face...I asked him why he had not resisted me. He answered that, in part, it was because he wished to please me, and, in part, owing to the fact that he was somewhat apathetic as a result of being a little intoxieated. I explained to him my condition, and also gave him " Psyehopathia Sexualis " to read, expressing the hope that by the force of my own will I should beeome fully and lastingly master of my unnatural impulse. Since this confession, the relation between this friend and me has been the most delightful and happy possible; there are the most friendly feelings on both sides, which are heartfelt and true; and it is to be hoped that they will endure If I should not improve my abnormal condition, I am determined to put myself under your treatment; the more beeause, after a careful study of your work, I cannot eonnt myself as belonging to the category of so-called uruings; and, too, because I have the firm conviction, or hope, at least, that a strong will, a**isted and combined with sk**ful treatment, could transform me into a man of normal feeling."