Harvey Schmidt - Flaming Agnes lyrics

[AGNES, spoken] Oh, that pompous, pompous, pompous, pompous a**! Now's the time for that hat. The one I've been saving all these years (sung) An eighty-five dollar hat! What do you think of that? Thirteen feathers of the pigeon family! And a bird of paradise plume! I hid this hat for four whole years In this great big box at the foot of the bed Right here is this very same room! But now, my spouse, it's out of the box And I'm gonna tell you what: If I am going to go to pot This pot is gonna be hot! Say, who's that racy, middle-aged lady Peeking underneath her veil? Why, don't you know? That's Flaming Agnes Her husband up and left her Who's that pale, available matron Underneath the peaco*k's tail? Why, can't you guess? That's Flaming Agnes Emancipated lady! Used to find her sittin' in the kitchen Mousy housewife was her name But the day her husband up and left her Agnes started to flame! Now they say that nothing can save her And they blame her husband for The blazing shame Of Flaming Agnes! [Dance break] Flirting with the fellas! Used to find her tendin' to the kiddies; Up to here in Cream of Wheat! But the day her husband up and left her That's the day that Agnes turned the heat on! Now she flames from night till early mornin' While he slaves to raise the alimony He must pay To Flaming Agnes!