Harry Shearer - This is Spinal Tap - Stonehenge lyrics

David: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been...that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object. Ian: I really think you're just making a much too big thing out of it. Derek: Making a big thing out of it would've been a good idea. Ian: Nigel gave me a drawing that said eighteen inches. Alright? David: I know he did, and that's what I'm talking about. Ian: Now, whether he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told. David: But you're not as confused as him are you? I mean it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel is. Ian: It's my job to do what I'm asked to do by the creative element of this band. And that's what I did. C'mon... Jeanine: The audience were laughing. Ian: So it became a comedy number. David: Yes it did! Yes it f**ing well did, and it was not pleasant to be part of the comedy on stage. Backstage, perhaps, it was very amusing. Derek: Maybe we just fix the choreography. Keep the dwarf clear. David: What do you mean? Derek: So they won't trod upon it. David: I don't think that's the issue. I think it's symptomatic that maybe you're taking on more than you can...uh...uh...uh...handle. Jeanine: It's not exactly the first time you've messed things up is it? David: I mean there's been some, uh, gaping holes in the business end. If this...if this, uh... Ian: "Not the first time"...just a minute. Excuse me. This is a band meeting. Right? Are you here for some reason? David: Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. She's, she's with me. Ian: No, but is she now in the band. Is she singing backup or something? Jeanine: I care what happens to the band. David: She's with me alright? Ian: David, whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little fantasy, adolescent fantasy world that you guys, you guys have built around yourselves... David: Hey don't knock at me. Don't knock at me. Ian: ...you start screaming like a bunch of pansy hairdressers. I mean it's just a problem you know. It get's solved... Jeanine: It doesn't. Ian: ...you can't...you can't live in a bubble. Jeanine: If it got solved, that would be alright, but it doesn't get solved. I mean what do you think happend out there? What got solved tonight? Ian: For one thing that goes wrong...one...one single thing that goes wrong, a hundred things go right. Do you know what I spend my time doing? I sleep two or three hours a night. There's no s** and d** for Ian, David. Do you know what I do? I find lost luggage. I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin! David: Yes. We've seen you. We've seen you do that. Ian: You know? I prise the rent out of the local Hebrews. That's what I do. Jeanine: Well maybe you should get someone else to find the lost luggage, and you should concentrate on what's going on on stage! David: Yes, yes. That's what we're talking about. Ian: You mean you want me to be the road manager? David: All bad...No, all bad ba...uh, could we... Jeanine: What Dave is trying to say, if you'd let him get a word through, is...you could maybe...do with some help. Ian: Some help? Jeanine: ...managing the band. David: It's very simple, it's very simple. Jeanine: It's that clear. David: Maybe there's someone already in the organization. We don't have to pay insurance. We don't have to pay extra room, etc. Since she's already here, she's already among us, and uh, she can...she is certainly capable of taking over... Ian: She? She? Wait a minute! Wait a minute! David: Well who do you think I'm talking about? Who do you think I'm talking about? Ian: I would...I would have never dreamed in a million years that it was her you were talking about! David: Why not? Jeanine: I am offering to help out here. Ian: No, you're not offering to help out. You're offering to co-manage the band with me. Is that it? David & Jeanine: Yes! David: In so many words, that is exactly it. Jeanine: Exactly! Ian: I'm certainly not going to co-manage with some...some...some girl just because she's your girlfriend... David: Don't call her my girlfriend! Ian: Alright, she's not your girlfriend. I don't know... Jeanine: Oh girlfriend is it? You couldn't manage a cla**room full of kids! I don't know what you're doing managing a band! David: Why don't we just... Jeanine: Oh shut up!!! Ian: Look, look...I...I...this is...this is my position okay? I am not managing it with you or any other woman, especially one that dresses like an Australian's nightmare. So f** you!!! Jeanine: f** you too!!! Ian: And f** all of you...because I quit! Alright? That's it! Good night!!! Derek: Can I raise a practical question at this point? David: Yeah. Derek: We gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow? David: No we're not gonna f**ing do Stonehenge!!!