Harakiri For The Sky - I, Pallbearer lyrics

The view outside my window changed a lot since I was a child Like all the years we buried, vanishing forever Cause also grief is just love with no place to go Like all the years we buried, this place is death There's a thing you should know about me I am and have always been this deeply sad man So, I am both, laughing and crying at the same time And still trying to discover how that could be I'm pretty sure growing old will kill me Slowly, but steadily, in two different ways As I'm still the one with the saddest smile I hate being bipolar, it's fu*king awesome The firstborn died by his own hands My oldest friend found a rope that bore And I know I'll definitely also not die By staring out in the pouring rain By staring out in the pouring rain Nobody ever tells you that emptiness weighs most When there's a void inside that can't be filled Cause it's not a single stab wound that kills me It's a thousand paper cuts on every single day The heart dies a slow death And all our dreams dash fast But I wonder if you changed your minds The moment you knew you'd die And I'm totally aware that my pain Is nothing when compared to yours But cleaning out your apartment Was way harder than your funeral One more psychosis then I am also finally done Cause the more I sleep, the less I dream And then at night I drink and clean my gun It's me who should be dead, not you…