Half Man Half Biscuit - Breaking News lyrics

We're just receiving reports of an incident at a farm in Suss** where a number of people have been arrested in connection with "Annoying The Nation". It is believed that that the owner of the farm, a Mr. Hibbert, has been co-operating with Police and government officials in a plot codenamed Operation Less Pricks, and kindly granted permission for the use of his seventeenth century tithe barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested. Although not confirmed, we are led to understand that those already charged include: Bus drivers who don't wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop; Taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door; People who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter, not stopping to think that it is people who drop litter, not the council; A room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork; Grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target; An a**ortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don't know how to use them; A musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article titled "Microphone of the Month"; A woman who described herself as "A little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex In The City" and chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. Bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name. Don't be calling him Fred or Archie, with all its cheeky but lovable working cla** scamp connotations, unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill's waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott. Also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly; An amateur thug in camouflage trousers whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate; A man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music; Lisa Riley; Continuity announcers introducing comedy shows; A pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they've written themselves; A group of football fans referred to as Commodores, as in once, twice, three times a season, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at Cup Finals; An artist who said his next album would be more "song-based"; A man who informs people that he gets up at six am every morning and seemed to want a medal; People who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it; Journalists who try to spell an interviewee's laugh; An organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks; And a council worker who dropped litter. We'll bring you more details as they emerge…