Same old Hampstead Ken Hom Wok Set Dead Sea bath salts Jog-proof iPod Iron Age hill fort Long term roadworks High tide bird watch B&Q Homebase If Jesus came to Earth today They'd crucify him straight away Upon a cross of MDF And they'd use No Need For Nails Ship-shape farmhouse Dry stone wall chart Cash-back foot spa Straight down Ladbrokes Low cost school trip Ramraid Oxfam Christ that sun's hot Yes that's right sir Oh help me Mrs Medlicott I don't know what to do I've only got three bullets And there's four of Motley Crue Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me Twelve drummers singing Eleven chairmen dancing Ten mascots whinging Nine stewards flapping Eight christening invites Seven cows a-barking Six vicars strumming Nick f**ing Knowles Four boring words Carphone Warehouse and Matalan And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee I'm driving backwards at peak hour Along the Edgware Road