Half Man Half Biscuit - Asparagus Next Left lyrics

We've just been performing a guerrilla gig In the middle of another group's guerrilla gig Well surely that's the ultimate guerrilla gig But still they cried like girls Road signs on our country lanes May not be what they seem "Asparagus Next Left" – who says? I've been upstream Going down there for plum tomatoes That's not a good idea For "Horse Manure 200 Yards" Read bottomless perdition When the club-versus-country dispute arose Small children were trampled in the exodus We all knew someone at primary school Who had a very powerful magnet "This-a-way For New Potatoes" An arrow points innocently Dirt track to a darker place That's what it says to me "Last Chance For Hanging Baskets" They're even giving you clues! "Fresh Broad Beans and Aubergines" Euphemisms, Audrey, euphemisms! Whatever happened to the plumber's van? The humble, amateur Transit van? Vans have become ridiculous With their strategies and logistics "Veer Left For Marmalade!" I don't think so Joe And why are "Tractors Turning"? We really ought to know So stay alert on the minor roads Remember Phyllis Triggs Oooh! Rhubarb! Lets go! She's still not been accounted for