Half Man Half Biscuit - All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit lyrics

There was one in the gang who had Scalextric And because of that he thought he was better than you Every day after school you'd go round there to play it Hoping to compete for some kind of championship But it always took about fifteen billion hours to set the track up And even when you did the thing never seemed to work It was a dodgy transformer again and again A dodgy transformer again and again It was a dodgy transformer again and again A dodgy transformer that cost three pound ten So he'd send his doting mother up the stairs with the stepladders To get the Subbuteo out of the loft He had all the accessories required for that big match atmosphere The crowd and the dugout and the floodlights too You'd always get palmed off with a headless centre forward And a goalkeeper with no arms and a face like his And he'd managed to get hold of a Dukla Prague away kit ‘Cos his uncle owned a sports shop and he'd kept it to one side And after only five minutes you'd be down to ten men ‘Cos he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger And come to half time you were losing four-nil Each and every goal a hotly disputed penalty So you'd smash up the floodlights and the match was abandoned And the dog would bark and you'd be banned from his house And your travelling army of synthetic supporters Would be taken away from you and thrown in the bin Now he's working in a job with a future He hands me my Giro every two weeks And me I'm on the lookout for a proper transformer …errr