Groucho Marx - Uncle Julius lyrics

Spoken: I had an uncle named Julius, he was well over four feet. And I was named after him, 'cause we were under some peculiar impression that he had money. As a matter of fact, my father wanted to throw him out of the house, but my mother said "No, no, I remember, I read a story once in which a man was supposed to be broke, and when he died, he left a lot of money". So they named me Julius. He never worked anyhow, he was just in the house, sitting there. He finally died, and he left a will. His will consisted of a celluloid dickie, an eightball, and three razorblades. And besides he owed my father eighty-five dollars, which he never did get from him. Then we had a sister. She wasn't really our sister, she was an adopted sister. The father of that sister had gotten a look at this girl and fled to Canada, and we never saw him again. But the girl stayed with us, and her name was Polly. Polly didn't.. she wasn't a bad looking girl, but her rear end stuck way out. You could play pinochle on her rear end.