Groucho Marx - Annie Berger lyrics

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Groucho Marx - Annie Berger lyrics

Spoken: I use to live in a street called Ninety-third Street. And there was a girl there that I was stuck on. She was almost fifteen years old. And I used to go out every morning and buy bread for my mother. I used to get the stale bread, because it was four cents, and the regular bread was five cents. So in no time at all, about four months, I'd saved seventy cents. I was stuck on Annie Berger, she had a great pair of legs, and I used to watch her walk up the stairs - she lived on the floor above us. One day after I had the seventy cents, I said "Why don't I take you to the theater?". I had it all figured out. Ten cent car fare for two, ten cents for car fare coming back and fifty cents for two seats in the third gallery. But when we got to the theater - it was Hammerstein's Victoria Theater - there was a fella selling sauerkraut candy in front of the theater, and it was a nickle a bag. She said "Gee, I would love to have some of that sauerkraut candy." But I only had ten cents left by this time, so I bought her a bag of this candy. We were sitting in the gallery so high, we couldn't even see the actors, and she starts eating this sauerkraut candy, and I can hear her, but I can't hear the actors on the stage. And I could have k**ed her, I'd thought she'd offer me a piece, but she didn't. So when the show was over - by this time she had consumed all the candy - and we got outside and I said "Annie..." - it was cold, it was real cold; had been snowing all that day - I said "Look, you had sauerkraut candy, didn't you, in there. You never offered me a piece of the candy, did you? Now I only have five cents left, and we gotta go all the way to Ninety-third Street. Now, look, I care a great deal about you, but I don't wanna walk all the way to Ninety-third Street, so I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll toss the coin up" - this nickel that I had left - "and you holler heads or tails." She hollered "heads", it came down tails, and she walked home. I didn't see her again for ten years.