[Verse 1] I never had much sense for either music or good jokes Where does a boy like me fit better than in radio So I began to host the local morning show The other day when I was bored I started welding steel The city council was impressed and fell down to their knees And built an exhibition hall for me [Chorus] Don't you know that I won't go to look for fame and fortune As long as there are people here who cheer and clap their hands – everybody – I say: “My dear friend - Guess what I am?” Local Hero Global Zero! [Verse 2] If you ain't got no self-esteem, you're shy and overweight I'll teach you any drum you like, as long as I get paid So join the marching elephant parade On christmas eve my parents tell me: Honey please don't sing Whenever I try to play guitar I break at least one string But who needs talent if you've got the swing [Chorus x2] Don't you know that I won't go to look for fame and fortune As long as there are people here who cheer and clap their hands – everybody – I say: “My dear friend - Guess what I am?” Local Hero Global Zero!