Glenn Slater - Comedy Gold lyrics

[JESTER] Comedy is easy once you know the basics Starting with the concept of surprise [KING RICHARD]: Right! [JESTER] Take what folks think Give it a wink You try it on now for size [KING RICHARD]: Me? [JESTER]: Yeah [KING RICHARD]: What's black and white, and red all over? [JESTER]: I don't know, sire. What is black and white, and red all over? [KING RICHARD]: Those guys, after I behead them. Huh, huh? (Guard screams as he is pushed off the balcony) He was surprised [JESTER]: Comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Really? [JESTER]: I'm tellin' you it's comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Yes! [JESTER]: You're k**ing it! If that doesn't slay them- [KING RICHARD]: I'll murder you cold! [GUARD]: Swear to God, it's comedy gold! [JESTER]: Well, our work here is done, so I'll just be going [KING RICHARD]: Oh, we're just getting started [JESTER]: Ah, right [KING RICHARD]: Lesson two [JESTER] Lesson number two is also fundamental Something that we call the Rule of Three Set up the joke Give it a stroke Third time, bam! [KING RICHARD]: Yes, now me! Three serfs walk into a bar The first serf orders a hot grog The second serf orders a hot grog And the third serf orders a hot grog But he has no money or neither do the other two because they are serfs Huh? [JESTER]: Comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Yes, nailed it! [JESTER]: I promise you it's comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Hilarious [JESTER]: The crowd will be rolling... [KING RICHARD]: Or heads will be rolled [JESTER]: Oh, not with all this comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: More, more! [JESTER] Props can be a riot Ethnic humor, can't deny it Or a pratfall if it's properly applied Depending on the viewer Take it black or work it bluer Or try an observational aside [KING RICHARD]: Have you ever noticed how lepers have pieces falling off of them? What's that all about? [JESTER]: Comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Comedy gold [BOTH]: I'm tellin' you, it's comedy gold [KING RICHARD]: Comedy gold [BOTH]: No doubt about it [JESTER]: Talent like yours, Sire It never gets old [KING RICHARD]: And if it does... You'll never get old, because you'll be dead when I execute you. Get it? [JESTER]: Got it [KING RICHARD]: Good [BOTH] Gonna be k**er Gonna be ace Folks dyin' of laughter All over the place! [KING RICHARD]: And if I get desperate [JESTER]: A pie in the face! [KING RICHARD]: I dare you [BOTH]: Tellin' you it's comedy gold!