Rachel: Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over I know, I know exactly what they need And even in your case Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed Follow my lead And yes, indeed You will be Kurt and Rachel: Popular You're gonna be popular I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys Little ways to flirt and flounce (Rachel: Ooh) Kurt: I'll show you what shoes to wear Rachel: How to fix your hair Kurt and Rachel: Everything that really counts to be popular I'll help you be popular Rachel: You'll hang with the right cohorts Kurt: You'll be good at sports Rachel: Know the slang you've got to know Kurt and Rachel: So let's start Cause you've got an awfully long way to go Rachel (and Kurt): Don't be offended by my frank an*lysis (Think of it as personality dialysis) Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser Kurt: There's nobody wiser Rachel: Not when it comes to Kurt: Popular I know about popular And with an a**ist from me To be who you'll be Kurt and Rachel: Instead of dreary who you were Kurt: Well are Kurt and Rachel: There's nothing that can stop you From becoming popular (Kurt: lar) La la, la la We're gonna make you popular Rachel: When I see depressing creatures With unprepossessing features Kurt: I remind them on their own behalf Kurt and Rachel: To think of Celebrated heads of state Or specially great communicators Did they have brains or knowledge? Rachel: Don't make me laugh Haha They were popular Kurt: Please Kurt and Rachel: It's all about popular It's not about aptitude It's the way you're viewed So it's very shrewd to be Very, very popular Like me (Rachel: Hihihi) Rachel: Why? Miss Elphaba Look at you You're beautiful Kurt: I-I have to go Rachel: You're welcome And though you protest Your disinterest Kurt and Rachel: I know clandestinely You're gonna grin and bear it Your new found popularity (Rachel: Ah) La la la la You'll be popular Just not quite as popular as me