At words poetic, I'm so pathetic That I always have found it best Instead of getting 'em off my chest To let 'em rest unexpressed I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar But if this ditty is not so pretty At least it'll tell you how great you are You're the top! Leroy You're the Coliseum You're the top! Oh, baby You're the Louvre Museum You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss! You're a Bendel bonnet A Shakespeare's sonnet You're Mickey Mouse! (hahahahaha!) You're the Nile You're the Tower of Pisa You're the smile On the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check A total wreck A flop! But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top! You're the top, Leroy! You're Mahatma Gandhi, Hiram! You're the top! You're Napoleon Brandy You're the purple light Of a summer night in Spain You're the National Gallery You're Garbo's salary You're cellophane! You're sublime You're a turkey dinner! You're the time Of a Derby winner! I'm a toy balloon that's fated soon to pop! But if, baby, I'm the bottom But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top! You're the top! You're an arrow collar Leroy, You're the top! You're a Coolidge dollar You're the nimble tread Of the feet of Fred Astaire You're an O'Neill drama You're Whistler's mama! You're camembert You're a rose You're Inferno's Dante You're the nose On the great Durante I'm just in the way As the French would say "de trop"! But if, baby, I'm the bottom But if, baby, I'm the bottom But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top! You're a Waldorf salad You're just the top! You're a Berlin ballad You're the boats that glide On the sleepy Zuider Zee You're an old Dutch master You're Lady Astor Baby, you're broccoli! You're romance You're the steppes of Russia You're the pants, (purr), on a Roxy usher I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop But if, baby, I'm the bottom But if, baby, I'm the bottom But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top!