Girl Talk - Cool as Hell lyrics

[Verse, rap: Jackson] Statues of age-old, stone-shed tears There's a myriad of reasons why None of which I need to hear What I'm listening for resonates at very low frequencies Only seismologists speak to me Recently, wheels that squeak have no sequel Refusing to roll like predictable people The nunnery is harnessing s**ual frustration Converting it into fuel Powering the congregation Tour bus for a time travel fantasy Six thousand years in the past to dismantle the Ludicrous theories of secular scientists Backing their statements with useless appliances I apply knowledge from tabloid horoscopes Reminding me, all is not lost, there is hope Play the lottery, unplug the discord Flex your authority, carry a clipboard [Chorus, sung: Jared] My life is fleeting; I shall soon befall the fate of mortals My only dying wish is to be greeted at the portal Of all eternal Hell by he whom I've put all my faith in I'll dedicate my afterlife to serve the mighty Satan [Verse, rap: Jackson] Look at the bottom of that fir tree: a tell-tale sign Somebody was here, wired it up, put it together in no time Who did the deed? Who tried to rid the woods of three dudes That cuss too much and do no good? They trample vegetation with their ATV's So now they're f**ing with the ghost of Johnny Appleseed And he's a charitable spirit, but not so Christ-like He wouldn't take his tin-pot hat to their windpipes [Chorus] [spoken, reversed] [?]