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[PISH-TUSH] Our great Mikado, virtuous man When he to rule our land began Resolved to try A plan whereby Young men might best be steadied So he decreed, in words succinct That all who flirted, leered or winked (Unless connubially linked) Should forthwith be beheaded Beheaded, beheaded Should forthwith be beheaded And I expect you'll all agree That he was right to so decree And I am right And you are right And all is right as right can be! [Chorus] And you are right And we are right And all is right, is right as right can be! [PISH-TUSH & Chorus] And all is right as right can be Right as right can be! [PISH-TUSH] This stem decree, you'll understand Caused great dismay throughout the land! For young and old And shy and bold Were equally affected The youth who winked a roving eye Or breathed a non-connubial sigh Was thereupon condemned to die — He usually objected Objected, objected He usually objected And you'll allow, as I expect That he was right to so object And I am right And you are right And everything is quite correct! [Chorus] And you are right And we are right And everything is quite, is quite correct! [PISH-TUSH & Chorus] And everything is quite correct All is quite correct! [PISH-TUSH] And so we straight let out on bail A convict from the county jail Whose head was next On some pretext Condemned to be mown off And made him Headsman, for we said "Who's next to be decapited Cannot cut off another's head Until he's cut his own off His own off, his own off Until he's cut his own off." And we are right, I think you'll say To argue in this kind of way; And I am right And you are right And all is right — too-loo-ral-lay! [Chorus] And you are right And we are right And all is right — too-loo-ral, loo-ral-lay! [PISH-TUSH & Chorus] And you are right And we are right And all is right! [NANKI-POO, spoken] Ko-Ko the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of Titipu! Why, that's the highest rank a Citizen can attain! [POOH-BAH, spoken] It is. Our logical Mikado seeing no moral difference between the dignified judge that condemns a criminal to die, and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence, has rolled the two offices into one, and every judge is now his own executioner [NANKI-POO, spoken] But how good of you (for I see that you are a nobleman of the highest rank) to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere strolling minstrel! [POOH-BAH, spoken] Don't mention it. I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my pride continually. When all the great officers of state resigned in a body, because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor, did I not unhesitantly accept all their posts at once? [PISH-TUSH, spoken] And all the salaries attached to them? You did [POOH-BAH, spoken] It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a salary! A Pooh-Bah paid for his services! I a salaried minion! But I do it! it revolts me, but I do it! [NANKI-POO, spoken] And it does you credit [POOH-BAH, spoken] But I don't stop at that. I go and dine with middle-cla** people on reasonable terms. I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept refreshment at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure. For instance, any further information on Yum-Yum would come under the head of a State secret. (Aside) Another insult, and, I think, a light one!