Georg Kreisler - Butler Burton lyrics

From London to Warsaw, from Shanghai to Texas People are made of two different s**es! When the world was first conceived I'm sure everyone was relieved To discover that for every her there was a him Otherwise, otherwise it would have been very confusing And considerably less amusing! But now all dogs and hogs Have their female hogs and dogs A lion in distress Has his lioness A fox has his vixen – And Mason has Dixon But it grieves me to report – I'm very sorry – About a person in a different category: Our Butler Burton, our Butler Burton – As a Butler he's a j**el! Our Butler Burton, our Butler Burton Doesn't seem to follow the general rule! Our Butler Burton Is uncertain It's a very awkward thing For we have a lot of men around the place When he demonstrates his pa**ion On a visitor of fashion Oh, a Butler should be subtler in his case! There's just no clue To what he'll do You never know which s** he's gonna woo! Our Butler Burton Is uncertain Life with him is so exacting His peculiar way of acting 'S a disgrace! Our Butler Burton Is uncertain And when he wants to have a fling He just slips his arm around the chauffeur's waist Now our chauffeur is a loafer But that's one thing he won't go for Femininity is much more to his taste! So Burton's through He's feeling blue And any butcher, baker Candlestick-maker Will do Our Butler Burton Is uncertain And his manners are erratic And empathic- Ally he ought to be replaced! He's ambitious And officious Nine AM 'til five He looks normal And a-formal And when the guests arrive Until the drinks are served The quorum is preserved Gut alcohol releases His s**ual caprices! Our Butler Burton Is uncercertain It's a very awkward thing For we cannot keep a gardener very long When he's working on the flowers He just pesters him for hours – And the pansies sing a melancholy song! And when he's stewed he's rather crude And he recieves our callers in the nude! Our Butler Burton Is uncertain And he's getting disconcerted For he knows that it's perverted – And its's wrong! He's obedient Expedient He knows what to serve He's gracious Eticatious Full of joy and verve 'Til someone comes his way With whom he can be gay – Without a "Beg-your-pardon!" They exit to the garden! Our Butler Burton Is uncertain It's a very awkward thing For we cannot let him have a moment free Once I hired him a floozy But the fellow was so choosy He just looked at her surprized and said: "Who, me?" I am dismayed And I'm afraid I think our Butler would be better as a maid! Our Majordomo Is a h*mo And it can't go on like this! For the footman is defensive And the rumours are extensive And the lawsuit is expensive And my wife is apprehensive That the fellow may destroy our wedded bliss – For every night when I come home – he wants a kiss!