Garfunkel & Oates - Sports Go Sports lyrics

I promise I really totally care who wins If there's a net or hoop or hole in the ground, I hope they get it in If they want to go to all the bases, I hope they do If they're supposed to run past a line or whatever, I hope they do that, too Sports go sports! May they top their opponents numerically in the allotted time Lest they disenfranchise their audience And see their revenues decline May the partakers be sturdy and rapid In the spirited energies they exert May they be victorious in perpetuity Don't I look cute in this football shirt Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! This is the most important thing that's ever occurred The vicarious fulfillment of your dream that got deferred You has aspirations as a kid but you didn't have the sk** So you watch genetically superior people do the things you never will Sports go Sports! May the competitors you prefer Best their opposing equivalents: So you can somehow feel connected to the feat of your self-appointed constituents May the hours you spend watching post-match pontificators Amplify the thrill of being a witness And better your predictive aptitude For your squad's future physical fitness Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! Watching able-bodied millionaires play with each other Watching less agile millionaire talk about it on TV May they compile copious points so they are rewarded and meritorious So you feel temporarily, adjacently victorious Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! Every other word: Sports! Sports! Athletics! Number! Participants! Heroes! Go! Yeah! Every other other word: Go! Athletics! Number! Are! Team! Now in Latin: Ludis ire ludis Arcu sunt optimum Participants sunt heroes Ire quadrigus sic Now the truth: If you could only throw a ball You'd have a hotter wife Lots and lots of money And a way better life And a way better life Go Sports!