Garfunkel & Oates - This Party Took a Turn for the Douche lyrics

[Verse 1] [Garfunkel]: We roll into the bar cause thats how we do Garfunkel, (Oates) and the rest of the crew Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that b**h go she (Hits up the juke box and puts on Jim Croce Operator, can you help me make this call?) [Oates]: We're laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing Im the liking the direction this night is going But then I look up and something has changed Everyone around us looks f**ing deranged [Garfunkel]: I look to my left, I look to my right Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight With supertight abs and supertan skin I swear this ain't the club that I walked in [Oates]: Then the techno music starts to play And the room smells like Axe body spray I'm like Golda Mier with no gold in my ear Please tell me what the hell happened here [Garfunkel & Oates]: Yo it ain't pretty but you know its the truth This party just took a turn for the douche [Hook] For the douche, for the douche For the motherf**in douche Thought it was a perfect party Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy This party just took a turn for the douche [Verse 2] [Oates]: I guess I can't beat em so Im gonna join em Need some douche phrases and Im gonna coin em Put my Bluetooth in and Im on my way Gonna be a mother f**in douchebag today [Garfunkel]: Gonna groom my beard like a bonsai tree Wax off my chest like Mr Miyagi Get a Chinese tat, dont know what it means But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens [Oates]: Dont need sleeves on my shirt, just rip em off And leave em exposed like Bernie Madoff Fake tan so brown you can call me Foxy Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops oxy [Garfunkel]: Got more chains than Mr. T I pity the f**wad who messes with me Cause Im doin roids til my balls get teeny Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie [Oates]: Gettin crunk on brewskis with my broskis Im cooler than Ice cube wearing snow skis Sweeter than the life of Zach and Cody Higher than the voice of Truman Capote [Garfunkel & Oates]: Yeah Ill drop a G for a bottle of Goose This party just took a turn for the douche [Hook]: [Verse 3]: [Garfunkel]: We're an army in the night like Norman Mailer And its time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor Im a VIP cause my table said so I'm a use some Rufees cause the skank said no (EW!) I like my hair like I like my girls drink SPIKED as f**!!! [Oates]: Did my last keg stand like General Custer And Im a**essin' the damage like a claims adjuster I ain't your Daddy but I'll call you "son" Yeah I get metaphysical like f**in' John Donne [Garfunkel]: I'm holdin up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler Girls are on the dance floor shakin their cobbler I'm Cool like LL , fly like Jeff Goldblum I'm gonna find the biggest ho in this room [Oates]: Girl's wax is Brazilian, her manicure's French Jean Nate is her signature stench She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas Her garden's more savage then ch-ch-cherry colas [Garfunkel]: Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her Hope shes birth controlled like Margaret Sanger Gonna bo*er Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her Beaver Take her gold for cash then mother f**in' leave her [Garfunkel & Oates]: I ain't in love with you, cousin; I ain't George Michael Bluth! This party just took a turn for the douche [Hook]