Garfunkel And Oates - The Loophole lyrics

All my life I've been good Do what my mom and dad and God say I should Go to church and Bible School To live by God's rule So whatever people tell me That The Bible tells me I will do Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck But I made a pact To keep my hymen intact And Jesus and I are tight Never learned about the birds and the bees I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees 'Cause The Bible says premarital s** is wrong But Jason says that guys can't wait that long I don't want to lose him To someone who'll do him I need to figure something out Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well So I can get him off without going to hell It's my Hail Mary, full of grace In Jesus' name we go to fifth base! Oh, thank you for making me holy And thank you for giving me holes to choose from And since I'm not a godless who*e He'll have to come in the back door Therefore f** me in the a** 'cause I love Jesus The good Lord would want it that way Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization It's just between you and me 'Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see It's hard to be as pure as me To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity To wait until my marriage bed To give my husband my unsullied maiden head So take your co*k out Shove it in my a** f** me until you come Oops! I mean let's join our souls And unite our bodies And fly with the wings of God Whatever you do, don't touch my cli*oris If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this And no prophylactics when you put it in 'Cause birth control's for s*uts and it's a sin I've emptied my bowels And laid out the towels I'm ready for romance Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest But of all of my holes, this ones the driest And we can't procreate if we an*lly copulate And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight And I'm staying pure, no matter what So I'm OK with everything but... Everything but... Everything bu*t f** me in the a** 'cause I love Jesus The good Lord would want it that way Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization It's just between you and me 'Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see I do whatever The Bible tells me to Except for the parts that I choose to ignore Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient But the rest I live by for sure So let's not talk about how the Good Book Bans shellfish, polyester and divorce And how it condones slavery and k**ing gays Because those parts don't count, of course Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry And mine it for ambiguities and omissions To circumvent any real sacrifice But still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions And don't you dare question my convictions And don't look closely at the contradictions Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion And have faith in its complete jurisdiction As the only way to measure if you're good or not And in a debate, just say to “have faith” Because when you're up against logic, it's the only card you've got So close your eyes Take a deep breath And.. f** me in the a** 'cause I love Jesus The good Lord would want it that way Gimme that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization It's just between you and me 'Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see Yeah, my chastity belt has locks But sometimes you need to think outside the box