They say I've got a screw loose in my brain My driver's insane My better half cut loose But he's feeling my pain I go right vs. left But I just can't decide Because they're equally stubborn And they have equally pride When I try to walk straight I sway back and forth It's five toes going south Five toes going north Oooooh ooooooh ooohhh My deck's incomplete I am missing my Queen My King has gone AWOL And my Jack broke his spleen So that leaves mostly numbers It's ace 2 through 10 But though I split them up fairly I never can win Because the clubs are exclusive And my spades start to wear I spend all of my diamonds But hearts don't play fair Oooooh ooooooh ooohhh I lost most of my marbles Not much older than 4 The hole in my sock Let them roll out the door So I chased after quick But none could I find 'Cause my thoughts were all hazy In my absense of mind So I grabbed a few spares From an old dusty jar But they were not quite as shiny And didn't roll quite as far Oooooh ooooooh ooohhh