Well, I was chasing down flies and shooting up women Trying to get the whole thing straight in my head Lookin' for a girl whod come with me swimming And come and play tunes at the end of my bed And all the hardmen were drinkin' down petrol I'm bamming up the girls when in came the law Heading for the door and getting tongue tied When they asked me what exactly I saw So Ill get some Monte Christos And we can all go see the band Well, I may not be a looker, yeah But Ill help you any way I can Well I'm back at my room I was making me nervous Then I watched TV and picking my feet Wishing I was pretty and burning my shoes Wishing for once Id kept the receipt I called myself and wondered out loud I tried to get the whole thing straight in my head I left the tape running and played it back twice But I couldnt make sense of what I had said So Ill get some Monte Christos And we can all go see the band Well, I may not be a looker, yeah But Ill help you any way I can, alright Well, it may not make you handsome And it may not even make you feel alive You may not have the ransom But you can always count on this Its him and them and she and me Sick and muddy, everybody So Ill get some Monte Christos And we can all go see the band Well, I may not be a looker, yeah But Ill help you any way I can And you can bring your wasters banjo Bring your sister and her friend Diane Well, I may not have a big boys pistol But Ill help them any way I can And you can call me Cinderella Call me your best man Well, you may be a right old queen But Ill help you any way I can, alright It's alright