Frank Zappa - Scrutinizer Postlude lyrics

[Central Scrutinizer:] This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... again. Hi!...It's me again, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe says Lucille has messed bis mind up, but, was it the girl or was it the music? As you can see .. .girls, music, disease, heartbreak.. .they all go together.. Joe found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning... his mind was so messed up... he could hardly do nothin' .. .He was in aquandary ... being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires.. .the guy was a wreck.. .so.. .what does he do? For once, he does something SMART...he goes out... and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover... at the First Church of Appliantology! SCRUTINIZER'S POSTLUDE Eventually it was discovered That God Did not want us to be All the same This was BAD NEWS For the Governments of The World As it seemed contrary To the doctrine of Portion Controlled Servings Mankind must be made more uniformly If THE FUTURE Was going to work Various ways were sought To bind us all together But, alas SAMENESS was unenforceable It was about this time That someone Came up with the idea of TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION Based on the principle that If we were ALL crooks We could at last be uniform To some degree In the eyes of THE LAW Shrewdly our legislators calculated That most people were Too lazy to perform a REAL CRIME So new laws were manufactured Making it possible for anyone To violate them any time of the day or night, And Once we had all broken some kind of law We'd all be in the same big happy club Right up there with the President, The most exalted industrialists, And the clerical big shots Of all your favorite religions TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION Was the greatest idea of its time And was vastly popular Except with those people Who didn't want to be crooks or outlaws, So, of course, they had to be TRICKED INTO IT... Which is one of the reasons why Music Was eventually made Illegal