Felix - Rooster Teeth Throwdown: Church vs. Sarge lyrics

Vic: Since the beginning, a single question has plagued the minds of Red Vs. Blue fans everywhere. No it's not "Do you ever wonder why we're here?" God knows we've run that one into the ground. Nope. The question is simple: Red Team or Blue Team? Welp, clearly there's only one logical way to settle this: a battle of wits...and rhymes. Word to your mothers! Cut to Sarge inside of a recording booth, with Church on the other Sarge: Hey there! Hey there recording guy! What's the order of this? This rap battle? Church: Hey! Hey guys, is he going first or am I going first? Sarge: Does it go him then me then me then him then me then him me? Church: It's Red Vs. Blue, so he should go first, he's Red Sarge: Or does it go me him him me him him me me me me me him Church: "It's the fight of the ages, Red Vs. Blue, by the end of this battle you'll finally see the-" What is that? Is that a sentence? Why did we let an Achievement Hunter write this stuff? Sarge: When do I get my bling? The Warthog needs spinners! Church: Who's going first in this thing, am I going first? Alright let's do this Announcer: IT'S TIME FOR A ROOSTER TEETH THROWDOWN! LEONARD CHURCH VERSUS SARGE! RAPPERS READY? THROWDOWN! Church It's the fight of the ages, Red Vs. Blue Or it would be if anybody cared about you By the end of this battle you'll finally see Leader of a real team ain't as easy as it seems to be You're trying to mold three wimps into men I run the suit of the biggest bada** there's ever been Your shotgun's primed for a war you've been storming up But back away my laser face has started warming up Hate the people on your team you can barely control them Got your a** kicked by freelancers Sarge, while I owned them The Director a machine, you're a cadencing schmuck Can't rap against a ghost, so BOO you motherf** My story's what fans and critics adore I'll sum up yours in one word "snore" This is all getting real, b**h, this isn't a game All they call you is Sarge, that's not even a name Sarge Your rap is finally over the fat lady said I'll kick your a** three times with a left, right, left Sarge isn't a name, it's superiority Unlike yours my team respects enough to bury dead me You got rhymes more fruity than a strawberry Yoo-Hoo I'll rip you so hard your whole team will go "Blue hoo" You say you're a leader, oh man that's a riot This sergeant's loading up to kick you straight in the privates Red wins, Blue s**s, that's how it's always ended Wipe this scum from the earth, as God intended So d**h to the Blues on that beautiful day Rotting up like roadk** on a lonely highway Church Gross! Sarge And one day we'll stand around a tattered Blue flag Stepping on the necks of you broken battered dirtbags Nothing you can say can stand up to me So drop, bluetard, and give me infinity Church That's cute, look at you, you're thinking you're still relevant After Reconstruction hit you're completely insignificant You're an old has-been who's still trying to prove He's just as good as he was back in 1952 God damn, I really died for this war? You're the only one caring about this motherf**ing score If I actually tried, you'd be down in one go Also Brown-nose, Rust Boat, Wide Load and Delano Red s**s, deal with it, and let me just remind you that It's because of me RvB went past season three You stepped up to a game you can't play Church is in session so maybe you should stop and pray Sarge Your days are numbered you scruffy nerf herder I've got a brain full of beats and a bo*er for murder A case of blue like yours calls for proper medication Got a shotgun full of pills for your insubordination Glory to the Red Team and extra glory to me I need a proper victory, so who's in charge of confetti? You're an old computer program with a virus maybe I'll wipe your hard drive clean with the treads on my Chupababy We're just better, that's not gonna change So take a step closer into face stabbing range Your fall's a matter of "when", not a matter of "if" My second shell is for you, I'm saving the first for Grif Grif What?! Felix Hahaha! Oh put away the threats and the knuckle cracks Locus I told you to stay out of this Felix Dude, just relax These guys wanna fight, and hey, we're supporting it But now we're chiming in on the rhyme Locus How unfortunate Felix See we're just better in every way What you've done in your life, I've done in a day Locus We're perfectly crafted, cunning k**ing machines Felix The two baddest of the mercenary space marines I'm a supreme know-it-all when it comes to a knife Close range combat's how I live my life Then couple me up with an invisible dread Locus By the time you see me you're already dead Felix How'd you both get teams following your command Locus When you can count your IQ on a single hand Felix I can't believe this fake battle's caused this much fuss Cause the way I see it Locus You're just practice for us Church Calling Epsilon, the Alpha, and the Director online RvB is just the tale that my life story designed When I powered Tucker's suit my tale came to an end I know that's hard to explain to a dude with no friends! Sarge Friends don't make you smile in this battle-scarred Hell What made me smile was watching you dissolve yourself But you did your damned best, so don't take it too hard But it's time to s** it Blue, you just got Sarged