Backside melts into a sofa My world, my TV, and my food Besides listening to my belly gurgle Ain't much else to do Yeah, I sweat a lot Pants fall down every time I bend over And my feet itch Yeah-I married a scarecrow I hate you Talking to myself Everibody's starin' at me I'm only bleedin' Someone taps me on the shoulder every 5 minutes Nobody speaks English anymore Would anybody tell me I was gettin' stupider? I hate you Talking to myself You don't feel it after awhile You take the beating I'm a swingin' guy Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod And swing - - - Toss me inside a Hefty And put me in the ground A drink needs me I don't I ain't about to guzzle no tears so kiss my a** newscasters, coakroaches, and desserts I hate you Talkin' to myself Everibody's starin' at me I'm only bleedin' Where are the kids? maybepregnantorond** oronwelfareontopoftheworld donthehonorrolonparoleontheDodgers onthebackofmilkcartonsonstakes inthemiddleofcornfields oncoversoffuturehistorybooks onoldlady'smantleswalkin'onwaternailedoncrosses I think it's time I had a talk with my kids I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT NOTHIN'