Emperor Palpatine - The Emperor's Phone Call lyrics

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Emperor Palpatine - The Emperor's Phone Call lyrics

Palpatine is sitting in his headquarters in Coruscant, talking to two advisors [Emperor Palpatine] Ha ha ha ha, so I threw the senate at him. The whole senate! True story. [Mas Amedda] Oh my god, that is so funny! [Sim Aloo] You made it [Milk from the carton in his hand] come out of my nose! [Emperor Palpatine] His phone rings Go for Papa Palpatine. [Operator] You have a collect call from - [Vader's voice] Darth Vader. [Emperor Palpatine] Sighs Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down. Huh? What do you mean 'they blew up the d**h Star?' (f**!) Oh! [slams fists on his desk] (f**, f**, f**)...Who's 'they'?! What the hell is an 'Aluminum Falcon'?! [sighs] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you (sh**in') me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet wrapped in...leathery...burnt...bacon. [Holds phone away from ear as Vader obviously yells at him, Amedda looks shocked] Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide. That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have - do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [phone rings] Ah, hang on, I've got another call. [switches line] What?! I'm very busy right now!...Oh. Oh, we-well where're they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a Turkey Club. Uh, Cole Slaw, I guess. I-I'm not even gonna eat it. W-w-what're you getting? [Amedda pats his knee as Aloo checks his watch] No, see, I-I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Okay, bye - wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Vader] Sorry about that. [sighs]...what? Oh-oh, 'just rebuild it'? Oh, yeah, re-real (f**ing) original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven foot two asthmatic a** back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny b**h you were about 'Padamamay' or 'Panda Bear' or whatever the hell her name is!...Oh geez, he's crying! Heh, heh, heh...[Aloo and Amedda silently laugh]...Hey, hey, hey, hey, c'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just, just, look, ah, y'know, I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, d**h Star blown up by a bunch of (f**ing) teenagers, y'know? I didn't mean to snap. [Motions to guests a gesture of 'jacking off', showing Vader's gullibility] Oh, oh, j-just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I-yeh-I...I love you too.