El-P - 7700 Years to Date lyrics

[El-P speaking] Oh yeah, cause people are really gonna give a f** about this battle in a month… You know what's great about being a "nerd" and owning your own record label? You get to check Soundscans In America, FanDam did 50,000 in a year and a half Bazooka Tooth did over 20 in three weeks The Weathermen CD did 8 in three months Dangerous Connection did less than 7,700 since its release over a year ago Now bear with me… [sped up] 7,700 is $77,000 in billing 25% distro fee off the top is $19,250 25% reserve held off top for returns – of which I'm sure you had a grip – is another $19,250 Distro, marketing and promo would be about $15K off top Label promo would be another $15K, a**uming Brick spent at least a few bucks on that hunk of sh** record Recording and other production expenses would modestly be about $10K Manufacturing about $15K Shipping about $1500 That's about a $100K spent on a record that made $77,000 gross Putting you and the label in the hole for about $23K And let's not forget that if you finally do make a buck, your label would probably take at least 50% In other words, your only shot at ever making any money off the music is becoming the anti-Def Jux guy And frankly, I don't think that alone is gonna do it But hell, if I can help, I will [Esoteric sample] "Nah, nah just a verse" "We're Famous" was roach motel And you crawled right the f** in it You forgot I'm a goddamn savage With a record of always winnin' You don't really think that you're tough Or that anyone is duckin' you We played a sold-out show in Boston last week Where the f** was you? The very first jam on the set was "We're Famous" I gotta say it was a live show That song is a crowd favorite I feel great in Boston, relaxed with good energy You should go there sometime Make the twenty minute trek from Beverly You got the gumption to f** with El-P When you're writing songs for wrestlers on the WB? Goddamn, was it that bad or were you just born a who*e? What's the point of selling out if it doesn't help you sell in stores? Didn't you hear, dawg: wrestling is fake Just grown men in Speedos simulating gay rape Is this what you dreamed of your career when you sent me that tape? Then in a year you would sell less than Aesop Rock on his first day? "I study from the blueprint" I think that sh**'s upside-down Cause the ceiling of your career should be laying on the ground "You're as hip hop as Eddie Vedder" At least I've got a "Evenflowww" Man, you could fit your whole fanbase on the bridge of your nose Nobody cares about your records No one's scared of your friends Nobody wants to do business Nobody wants to invest Not impressed with your trust fund money Not in awe of your daddy's Benz Don't care if you wear Prada (Why?) Cause Prada is for gay men Just an excuse to sharpen my blade and remind you who I am I'm the guy who sold eighty-thou worldwide and a child that sold ten I'm a man with a happy fanbase You're the b**h with no niche The biggest contribution to the music was introducing me to Lif (Bee-otch! The truth hurts motherf**er) Face it, nobody feels you in the street You will never appeal to the mainstream You're a permanent opening act for the lower half of the indie scene You are not making an impact, you have very few fans You are a complete failure, you are not nice with the hands Your legacy depresses me, mediocrity for years Your records move off the shelf as quick as Norm off a barstool, Cheers! Here's an El-P beat for free, I won't tax you Save that money for the next time you need to hire a black man to rap for you You're really bringin' it back, man, nobody still says "herb" I wet your girl's p**y on my keyboard, how you think I made Vital Nerve? [Sex sounds, three piano key intro of "Vital Nerve" plays] Check this: I've had a long, public career There's a lot of cats that wish I fell There's a lot you could say about me Just nothing you could say well I've been through this before This type of sh** don't make me nervous I should have known you would be next with a record called "Soul Purpose" "I-I-I'm down with East Coast" How the f** you thought that? I always thought that you were talentless Always considered you a fake cat Always hated the rich kids in school They never had no true grit They always thought expensive clothes and a hand-me-down whip made 'em the sh** And you're the definition of something kids should get with? Cause your man bear-hugged Cage that means that you could swing fists? What is this, a mother f**in' joke?! You got Ted Kennedy's voice and flow like Jay-Z after a stroke Saw the cover of your album Good luck to your ska band Standin' in a Burberry sweatsuit on the corner, looking for SoundScans Don't you watch B.E.T.? Burberry's for women How's the son of a millionaire gonna judge what another man's dipped in? I could step to you in a leotard and still have a tradition With a trucker hat that says "Eso mommy blew me And wiped her tits off in the kitchen" Oh no, you're not a nerd You're in the clubs singin' the "Thong Song" Only true thugs rap about Star Wars and Tauntauns "I'll treat you like a Tauntaun and slash your flesh" [Skit] "Dude, what's a Taun… taun…?" "Dude, space kangaroo, Empire Strikes Back…?" "Nah…" "Beginning… Luke, he was f**ing cold, they had to get him warm, Han Solo did it?" "I remember a bird…?" "Dude, Tauntaun!" "Dude, I haven't seen that movie since I was like 8…" "I saw it with you when I was 8 and now I saw it again and you didn't wanna come, but space Yeti, that's what f**ed him up, Luke was f**ed up, remember how Han Solo was all bugged out, uh, they put him in that Tauntaun and he stayed warm…" "Like an incubator?" "Nah, saved his life, bro! It's a f**in' space kangaroo!" "Oh, that… Jabba the Hutt!" "Ah, man, you're thinking of the third!" "Nah, nah, just a verse" You are not dangerous You have no connections You will never hurt anyone You do not carry a weapon "I liked 'Funcrush'" Great: I never liked what you've done If I was hypnotized I couldn't remember the name of one of your songs But I'm a nerd, so I research, motherf**er: be alert Remember that? The Transformers sample stuck between the verses? Well that was the only song you ever had that almost worked Too bad to get to the chorus we had to hear you rhyme first Back when you called yourself Seamus the God Awful That was blindingly accurate: that moniker was immaculate! And no matter how hard you were tryin' The only way I could stomach your voice is when Virtuoso was rhymin' You got one of those UPS four-day ground deliveries No one wants to sign for that package You are a f*ggot Nothing you have done until mentioning my name has ever mattered Seven hectic minutes of awkward fury: really, I'm flattered That Gay-sop Rock thing? Genius Let me try: Gay-mus sh**, I shoulda put that on my verse in "We're Famous" And about that verse? C'mon, don't be offended I was gonna say your name, dawg, I just couldn't remember it [Skit] "WORD! Uh, sorry…" "Whatever yo, he's just like… so obsessed with us, God, clearly just trying to start a buzz…" "I mean, they did sell records, though…" "Yeah, but they're trying to start a buzz!" "Man…" "Here's what we're gonna do! I've got a few ideas, fellas, it's gonna cost us a little bit of money and a lot of time, but I promise it's gonna be worth it! Okay, Steve, I need professional f**ing Photoshop quality JPEGs with … head, we're gonna put that motherf**er's face on a b**h's body and we're gonna do a ma** email, motherf**ers! We're gonna do interviews, I think they're gonna publish us off of this sh**! Alright, listen fellas, I gotta call my, uh, secret benefactor, it's better if you're not in the room, uh, it's only to protect you. Hello, dad?" "Hmm?" "Dad, remember we had… remember we had talked… remember we had talked before about if I needed more money for my career… that you would help me…?" "(grumble)" "Dad…" "(grumble)" "Dad, this is important to me!" "(loud grumble)" "Dad, I got a shot here, no seriously, not like the last time… no, not like the last time…" "(grumble)" "Dad, hey…" "(loud grumble)" "Thank you. I'll bring the… I'll bring it back tomorrow! Alright fellas, we're in!" "YAY!" "Looks like we got a budget for this motherf**er! Okay, 7L, can you call your friend and ask him to bring down his girlfriend, we're gonna need the voice of a girl. In case I need to pretend to f** someone up, I'm gonna need you around at all times! Here's what I need: I need a bucket of water, two Philly blunts and a f**ing fur jacket! I'm about to get busy, boys! I'm gonna make a f**ing career out of these ba*tards! I'm gonna need you to go down to, uh, f**in', all the stores, all the indie hiphop… yeah, just that one, the one that carries Be Alert. I need you to buy every copy and I need you to call the distributor and tell them to stop f**ing re-pressing it! I'm gonna erase our past!" "MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE EVIL NERD LAIR:" "Yo El, there's some weird skit on the internet with some f**in'… with some f**in' bullsh** attached to the beginning or something, I don't know, it's a diss or something." "Oh word? Uh, you know, put it with the others." [El-P speaking] HA HA HA! That was f**ing rich Didn't you watch the end of Revenge of the Nerds, you stupid f**? Anyway, you're gonna do a 7-minute jam? Mine's gonna be 8 minutes Here it goes, 8 minutes *ding*