Egoraptor - The Simple Plot of Metal Gear Solid lyrics

[Intro] [Host] (Danny Sexbang) Hello, and welcome back to another episode of 'Talking Video Games' We continue today in our series of games with simple plots Guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games [Burger Time Chef] (Egoraptor): I'm the chef from Burger Time! I make-a the burgers! [Centipede] (Danny Sexbang): Hello, I'm centipede. I just kinda move down the screen [Solid Snake] (Egoraptor): Hey, I'm Snake from Metal Gear Solid. My game's got a pretty simple story... [Host]: Snake, I don't see your name on the list... [Solid Snake]: Ah, my friend Cloud Strife told me to come on this show and talk about it... [Host] Oh god, no... [Verse 1] [Solid Snake]: It was the distant future, two thousand and five All I wanted to do was chill out and retire But genetically enhanced renegades named Foxhound Stole a bunch of nukes and had sh** on lockdown [Host]: Okay we're past our time limit, Snake! [Solid Snake]: Colonel Campbell said I had to infiltrate Before they started nuclear conflicts What a bunch of jerks! [Host]: You're a bag of dicks [Solid Snake]: I climbed through an air vent and saved two guys They shared top secrets and suddenly died Of two heart attacks right out of thin air All within five minutes! [Host]: Oh my god, I don't care! [Solid Snake]: Then I met Meryl, a hot box of rocks And I fought a gunslinger named Ocelot But a cyborg ninja cut his hand away You know, normal sh** that happens every day [Chorus] [Host]: Listen Snake, there must have been a mistake On this show you've got to get right to the point of the game Like the ship from Galaga [Galaga Ship] (Rubberross): Hi, I shoot stuff in space [Host]: And this car from Pole Position [Pole Position Car] (Egoraptor): I'm a car! [Host]: That's great! [Host]: You know we've been through this before with your boy Cloud Strife And he talked so long I contemplated ending my life So let's keep things nice and simple like the hero over there From the Atari game Adventure [Adventure Hero]: I'm literally just a yellow square! [Verse 2] [Solid Snake]: Who cares! I tried really hard to find a mech named Rex And the ninja came back in the mix like Chex It was Gray Fox and I fought Vulcan Raven A big motherf**in' Alaskan shaman So I k**ed that guy but before he died He said Meryl liked me, I almost cried She's a little hottie pants, ooh-meow! [Host]: It would be so great if you died right now [Solid Snake]: I k**ed Sniper Wolf who was absurdly hot And then murdered three guys and an evil robot 'Til Liquid Snake and I were left alone He said that I was his brother and a superior clone Then he died of a virus and thinking fast Meryl saved us [Host]: I don't give a frog's fat a** [Solid Snake]: Then when stayed together until the seven year itch And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear, b**h! [Chorus 2] [Host]: Listen Snake I've taken all I can take Just because a game is simple doesn't mean that it's lame Tell the kid from Paperboy [Paperboy] (Egoraptor): Yo, I deliver those papes! [Host]: The guy from Elevator Action [Elevator Action Guy] (Rubberross): Uh, elevators? [Host]: Okay! [Bridge] Dear God Why can't I just have a single panel of guests Who can say their plots in forty f**in' minutes or less Now just watch me Snake before you make me reach for my gun I'll summarize your game and show you how this sh** is really motherf**in' done! How it's motherf**in' done! "You sneak around and save the world. The End." [Outro] My god, can I get a replacement guest with a simple plot please? [Sora] (Egoraptor): Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hearts! [Host]: Nooooooooooo!