I play in a band We're the best in the land We're big in both Chelsea and France I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty These other gals mean nothing to me Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night 'Cause I'm more than a handful, you'll see So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round I can bench press a car I'm an ex-football star With degrees from both Harvard and Yale Girls just can't keep up I'm a real love machine I've had far better s** while in jail I designed the Sears tower I make two grand an hour I cook the world's best duck flambe I'll take the pick of the liter And girls jockey for me I don't need these lines to get laid So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round I'm the man of the night A real ladies delight See, my figure was chiselled from stone One more for the gal, then I'll escort her home Come last call, I'm never alone I own a house on the hill with a red water bed It puts Hugh Hefner's mansion to shame With girls by the pool and italian sports cars I'm just here in this dump for the game So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round Ahh, f** it. Who am I sh**tin'? I'm a pitiful sight And I ain't all that bright I'm definitely not chiselled from stone I'm a cheat and a liar No women's desire I'll probably die cold and alone But just give me a chance 'Cause deep down inside I swear I got a big heart of gold I'm a monogamous man No more one night stands Come on, honey, let me take you home So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round So kiss me, I'm sh**faced And I'm soaked and I'm soiled and brown In the trousers, she kissed me! And I only bought her one round