Donald Swann - The Gasman Cometh: A Ballad of Unending Domestic Upheaval (It All Makes Work for the Working Man to Do) lyrics

[FLANDERS, spoken] Thank you very much, good evening. May I introduce, at the piano, the very distinguished pianist, composer, and linguist, the Enid Blyton of English light music: Donald Swann [SWANN, spoken] Thank you, good evening [FLANDERS, spoken] I must be Michael Flanders, obviously. We write songs; I write the words, Swann here writes the music. We wrote these songs originally for other people to sing, which they did, not nearly enough. And so, a few years ago we began to sing and talk about them ourselves, and that is what we are here to do tonight. We've been wandering around all over the place since we saw you last. We went to America, New York, we spent two dreadful- delightful years in America entertaining the Americans, whose need, let's face it, is greater even than years. And then, of course, when we're over there we say that the other way around. We went to Canada, and we were in Switzerland, which was quite interesting too. They didn't understand a word, but they loved it. It was very interesting to see the homeland of so many great English actors. This year we've been touring England's depressed areas, and may I say what a pleasure it's been to be here in London, my goodness, it is, isn't it? Hmm? [SWANN, spoken] I think so! I concur with every word you say! [FLANDERS, spoken] I must say, wandering around-he's trying to get his bit in-wandering around things have come to a pretty... underpa** here in England, while we've been to away. It's no wonder to us that satire squats, hoof in mouth, under every bush. The purpose of satire, it has been rightly said, is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cozy half-truth, and our job, as I see it, is to put it back again. Thank you With this in mind, we offer you some more of our respectable songs for responsible people, under the title of "At the Drop of- [SWANN, spoken] Another! [FLANDERS, spoken] -Hat." Well done! You got it there, bang on, marvelously. Well don't you say I never let you get a word in, will you. A word in edgewise, like a slice of fish. I think we're all a**embled here, double bookings all sorted out, so let's start with the first song This is a sort of a test piece, it doesn't count, as usual. Swann has moved since we saw him last. As some of you will know, he used to live in Prince Of Wales Drive, Battersea. But since he became a great star, he thought this wasn't really very suitable. He now lives in Albert Bridge Road, Battersea. Not that it matters very much where you live south of the river now, because as you know, under the new London plan, they're lumping all those areas together. They're going to call them Brighton. I still live in what is, I believe, soon going to be known as Kensington, a very pleasant area And, being at home has its problems. This song is a ballad of unending domestic upheaval. I'm sure you've all had something of the same experience. It's called "The Gas Man Cometh." [BOTH] 'Twas on the Monday morning The gas man came to call The gas tap wouldn't turn I wasn't getting gas at all He tore out all the skirting boards To try and find the main And I had to call a carpenter To put them back again! Oh, it all makes work For the working man to do [SWANN] 'Twas on the Tuesday morning The carpenter came round He hammered and he chiseled And he said [FLANDERS] "Look what I've found! Your joists are full of dry rot But I'll put them all to rights." [SWANN] Then he nailed right through a cable [BOTH] And out went all the lights! Oh, it all makes work For the working man to do [FLANDERS] 'Twas on a Wednesday morning The electrician came He called me, "Mr. Sanderson" Which isn't quite me name He couldn't reach the fuse box Without standing on the bin [BOTH] And his foot went through a window So I called the glazier in! Oh, it all makes work For the working man to do [SWANN] 'Twas on the Thursday morning The glazier came round With his blowtorch and his putty And his merry glazier song He put another pane in He took no time at all [BOTH] But I had to get a painter in To come and paint the wall! Oh, it all makes work For the working man to do 'Twas on a Friday morning The painter made a start [SWANN] With undercoats [FLANDERS] And overcoats [BOTH] He painted every part Every nook and every cranny But I found when he was gone He'd painted over the gas tap And I couldn't turn it on! Oh, it all makes work For the working man to do On Saturday and Sunday They do no work at all So it was on the Monday morning That the gas man came to call!