Don Henley - If Dirt Were Dollars lyrics

Walkin' like a millionaire Smilin' like a king He leaned his shopping cart against the wall He said, "i been a lot of places And i seen a lot of things But, sonny, i seen one thing that beats 'em all I was flyin' back from lubbock I saw jesus on the plane ...or maybe it was elvis You know, they kinda look the same Hey, look out, junior, you're steppin' on my bed" I said, "i don't see nothin" He just glared at me and said, If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars I wouldn't worry anymore Lookin' like a beauty queen Loyal as a wife She raised her little voice and testified, "i am a good girl I've been one all my life" But her virtue was as swollen as her pride She should've had the oscar She must have been miscast Her fifteen minutes went by so fast I said, "now, baby, have you got no shame?" She just looked at me, uncomprehendingly Like cows at a pa**ing train If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars I wouldn't worry anymore We got the bully pulpit And the poisoned pen We got a press no better Than the public men This brave new world Gone bad again God's finest little creatures Looking brave and strong Whistling past the graveyard Nothing can go wrong Quoting from the scriptures With patriotic tears We got the same old men With the same old fears Standing at attention Wrapped in stars and stripes They hear the phantom drummers And the nonexistent pipes These days the buck stops nowhere No one takes the blame But evil is still evil In anybody's name If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars If dirt were dollars We'd all be in the black