Devo Spice - Lean Christmas lyrics

* each Chorus repeat uses the next smaller currency on the list [Chorus] * HEY this is Christmas, I hope we don't miss this My kids have half of Wal*Mart on their wish list But I'm flat broke so I scrape and I scrounge All around, hey now, found a quarter/dime/nickel/penny * in the couch! Alright, book of matches for mommy [Devo Spice] Things are pretty lean this year and I fear That there may be a real lack of holiday cheer Unless I come into some money, like if I won the lottery Or joined a blood bank, and dug into an artery Cause right now I just haven't got a dime Out of work, out of money, and I'm running out of time And I don't know what to do, man, haven't got a plan The way it's goin our house will be as festive as Iran Most people shop at Toys 'R' Us or at the mall I'm at the dollar store and can't afford nothin at all I dig deep into my pocket to see what I can find Excuse me, what can I get for two bu*tons and a piece of twine? Hey there's a toy car with some dents And only three wheels, but it's marked down to ten cents Now if only I had that much money I'd be set Guess it's time to raid the fountain to see what I can get [Chorus] Cool! Now I can get my daughter that gumball she's been wanting [Devo Spice] Maybe this won't be so bad after all I just need to get creative when I deck the halls Like instead of a tree, I'll use that broom over there And hang some pantyhose by the chimney with care Outdoor decorations won't be hard I'll tie a branch on my dog and make him stand in the yard Poison ivy works as well as mistletoe can And for dinner we're gonna have a big ol' ham Sandwich that we'll have to split five ways And it's gonna have to last for a couple of days And the trimmings, yeah, we're gonna have all of 'em Popcorn balls, potato chips, and M&Ms I can't afford eggnog or any other perk But I found a little three month old milk that oughta work And I think I still have a fruitcake from last year Around here somewhere, Merry Christmas, dear! [Chorus] This is going right to Grandma and Grandpa I'll tell them to go to the casino and play the nickel slots Maybe they'll win a dollar [Devo Spice] But then my kid come to me with a list, and I think That there's no way in hell I can afford any of this I say I'm sorry but I'm broke, there's no way that I can swing it And she says, that's okay daddy, Santa Claus will bring it And I feel my confidence rebound And know there's no way in Hell I'm gonna let my kids down Cause children and family are what it's all about And besides, what's one more mortgage on the house? Paperwork filed, rate's locked in Forty-seven signatures later I begin When I'm done shoppin I'll be payin an amount For around thirty years so I better make it count For the girl, a life size walk-in doll house With a robot maid and a butler named Klaus For the boy, I'll get him a race car bed One that actually drives and has cool tire tread For the baby, I'll get him this big pneumatic Type swing thing with toys, the Neglect-O-Matic And the wife, what woman could ask for any more? She likes shoes so much, now she owns the damn store For me, maybe I can finally get That private jet, nah, maybe I'll just get a 'Vette I'm up to my pancreas in debt, but hey What can I say? It's the American way~!! [Chorus] Okay, I can put this on the train tracks and Let a train run over it and give it to my son Then he can have his own mutant, squished... Portrait of Lincoln... or something