Inside every teenage girl there's a fountain Inside every young pair of pants there's a mountain Inside every mother's eyes is tommy tinkrem's bed Inside every candidate waits a grateful dead I make it a thing, when i'm on my own to relieve myself I make it a thing, when i gazelle on stage to believe in myself I make it a thing, to glance in window panes and look pleased with myself Yeah, and pretend i'm walking home I took it so bad, i sat in the correction room Took me a f*g, and a kick in the moon Well, i ain't gonna s** no radar wing Because inside this tin is tin Would you like to techno-plate cause i'm your candidate Oh yeah It's a matter of life And the way you walk, you've got a brylcream queen It's a matter of tact In the things you talk, that keeps his pa**port clean A matter of fact That a co*k ain't a co*k on a twelve inch screen So i'll pretend i'm walking home You don't have to scream a lot to keep an age in tune You don't have to scream a lot to predict monsoons You don't have to paint my contact black Now i've hustled a pair of jeans Do i have to give your money back when i'm the fuhrerling I'll make you a deal I'll say i came from from earth and my tongue is taped I'll make you a deal You can get your kicks on the candidate I'll make you a deal For your future's sake, i'm the candidate Let's pretend we're walking home Uh-huh, uh-huh I'm the candidate I'm the candidate Vote now for the candidate