Dave's True Story - I'll Never Read Trollope Again lyrics

I've an appetite for fiction No postmodern work can slake I refuse to buy a book Unless it's thicker than a steak Now Gordon Lish and Barry Hannah Have their partisans and shills But I prefer Victoriana For my literary thrills And of all the British authors Who were writing at that time There's one special British author I find especially sublime Now Austen is awesome And Dickens is a kick But no one packs a wallop Quite like Trollope Yes, Trollope is the one I most adore But my days of reading Trollope are no more I was sitting in a quaint cafe With a favorite tome and some cafe au lait But my luck ran out when you came my way Now I'll never read Trollope again You spied the cover as you slithered near And said, "The 1800s--that's my favorite year" And then you sat right down and now I fear That I'll never read Trollope again Armed with Trollope and a cup or two I could while the day away Now just a dollop Makes me think of you And that's too high a price to pay I'll read Kafka's tale about that lonely vermin I'll read every Jonathan Edwards sermon Hell, I'll read Emmanuel Kant in German But I'll never read Trollope again I used to read him with a friend or two I used to read him by myself But to read him now only makes me blue So I've tossed him from my shelf I'll read Don Quixote five or six times through I'll read Jackie Collins till my face turns blue Hell, I'll even read Bukowski too But I'll never read Trollope again No, I'll never read Trollope again