Danny Schmidt - Guilty By Association Blues lyrics

If I had a parrot, I'd teach that bird to speak* He'd say: "Polly, why's the cracker in the White House not impeached?" He'd say: "Makeup makes you ugly, and TV makes you dumb And people don't k** people, but they give the a**holes guns" Yes, if I had a parrot, he'd probably land in jail For saying what I'm thinking and for showing too much tail He'd speak the world in mirrors, cause that's just what parrots do And I'd just shrug my shoulders with the Guilty By Association Blues If I had an elephant, I'd teach him how to dance Cause there's places you can only get if your elephant can dance Like palaces and country clubs and boardrooms full of men Who throw their weight around as though their pleasure was a plan Yes, if I had an elephant, he'd Dosey-Doe through doors He'd Can-Can past the "Don't Disturbs" and the point of no reforms He'd do the Tarantella til the gates were trampled through And I'd just waltz right by and hum the Guilty By Association Blues Yes, and if I had a pig, I'd teach that pig to count Cause it's money that rolls around in mud and hogs that rule the house But I figure if my pig could root beneath the bottom line Then we'd both get high on truffles and on dandelion wine Yes, if my pig could learn to count the beans inside the jar Or make up fancy numbers that look likely from afar He'd bring us home the bacon like an honest pig'll do And I'll be fat and happy with the Guilty By Association Blues