Daniel Handler - That's Not How the Story Goes lyrics

[Intro] (whistling) [Verse 1: Lemony Snicket (Patrick Warburton)] You may think that the Baudelaires Ought to prevail And be tucked some place All safe and sound Count Olaf captured And rotting in jail His henchpeople nowhere around [Chorus: Count Olaf (Neil Patrick Harris)] But there's no happy endings Not here and not now This tale is all sorrows and woes You might dream that justice And peace win the day But that's not how the story goes [Verse 2: Mr. Poe (K. Todd Freeman)] You might think that two parents Both brave and both true Would live till a nice ripe old age But I'm sad to say I have bad news for you The curtain rings down on the stage [Chorus: Violet & Klaus (Malina Weissman & Louis Hynes)] Yes, there's no happy endings Not here and not now [Count Olaf] This tale is all sorrows and woes [Mr. Poe] You might dream that justice And peace win the day [All] But that's not how the story goes [Verse 3: Lemony Snicket] I once loved a girl And she thought well of me We thought we'd be happy together But now I'm alone As you can well see And she's cold in her grave forever [Chorus: Count Olaf] But there's no happy endings Not here and not now [Violet & Klaus] This tale is all sorrows and woes [Violet] You might dream that justice And peace win the day [All] But that's not how the story goes [Verse 4: Count Olaf] The world is a pair Of ill-fitting pants And other dire hideous clothes [Violet & Klaus] You might think that three children Would lead pleasant lives But that's not how the story goes [Chorus 2: Lemony Snicket] Some people smile At the end of the day [Count Olaf] Some people laugh, I suppose [Mr. Poe] But to me, there's nothing But gloom and despair [Refrain: All] That's just how the story goes [Mr. Poe] That's just how the story— (coughs) [Instrumental Outro] [Sunny (?)] (whistling) [Mr Poe] (vocalizing) [Mr. Poe] Mm, that's nice